This is me and my ever changing life.
Nothing is in order - things will be divided in chapters so that I can better organize myself. Sometimes I write about the last four years, sometimes I write about right now, and sometimes I write about the super human strength of my three year old. Sometimes it will be raw and sometimes it will be pointless.

Latest Entry

loyalty

June 21, 2018
I am loyal. This is not a good personality trait, but a personality flaw. My loyalty kept me with my first boyfriend that I had in highschool. We were together from Freshmen year through some of my Junior year, even after he'd moved away to the great state of Colorado. We visited occasionally dur...
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Recent Entries

  • it’s never fair for anybody
    June 13, 2018
    He's depressed and it annoys me. A few years ago he was put on Welbutrin for seasonal depression and after a month he stopped taking it because he started to feel better. He practically had a nervous breakdown before we moved to AZ, something I diligently supported him through because I understan...
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  • september 2014
    May 23, 2018
    September 2014: I was heavily pregnant with my due date being just weeks away. My best friend had come in for Memphis, waiting for the boy to be born so that she could be my doula. I had stopped working by this point because I honestly couldn't stand for more than fifteen minutes at a…
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  • wearing your pancreas on the outside
    May 2, 2018
    Sickness is scary. When the big kids are sick, it's scary. Recently, C said he was having excruciating stomach pains and I was constantly going back and forth about what I should do about it. Should I take him to the hospital? He wasn't having any symptoms except for his stomach hurting and the m...
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  • Night
    April 25, 2018
    The most difficult time is at night. We can have a really good day, like we did yesterday. There was a hug in the morning that lasted a little longer than a normal hug, like we were both holding on to something that we both missed. There were texts throughout the day, so many so…
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  • This is the face
    April 24, 2018
    October 1, 2014. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the first car I ever bought (well, with someone) as we drove the 1.5 hours to a birthing center. In the backseat was my ten year old and my eight year old, quietly playing with their handheld game devices piled under pillows and blankets&hel...
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  • Welcome back, indeed
    April 24, 2018
    This is a little amazing, the revival of OD. Though I'm a few weeks late, apparently. When OD first shut down I was devastated because I'd chronicled my life here, the very beginning of a relationship and the end of a nightmare. And then, when I was trying to back up the data so I…
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  • Wow.
    January 2, 2014
     Hmm, it's been a while.   I don't have a lot to say.  I mean, I do, but I choose not to at this moment.   What I want to say is that I'm a nurse, a graduate.  I actually have a job I'm starting.  NCLEX is taken later.  Life is good.  
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  • What’s normal for you ain’t normal for me.
    July 8, 2013
     I remember when I was with Jay, we never did anything apart from one another.  Now, we never really did anything with anyone else... but we always were together.  In an abusive relationship, this is called isolation... and after I left Jay, it was rammed into my head that this was...
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  • Oh baby
    June 8, 2013
    It's been a while, and honestly it's been so long because I've had virtually no real reason to write anything.  Unfortunately, given that this is a diary for me and not just a writing medium, when things are going well I don't really feel like writing.  Not only that, but normal things ...
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