I just need a space to empty the contents of my mind... Life is chaotic.. and I need to find myself. I want to write a book.. Looking to brainstorm and share my personal ups and downs.

Latest Entry

Days go by..

April 17, 2019
As I sit here, outside on my patio, (this is a first for me btw) I can feel the wind start to chill. Today was a beautiful day. I was supposed to be off, but I find myself working 50 plus hours a week anymore.. just to live paycheck to paycheck. I really thought that…
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Recent Entries

  • I am back… I am sorry that I went away
    March 11, 2019
    I am back. I have missed you all. I am sorry that I disappeared. So much has been going on and when I would think to sit down and write I would get distracted or think to myself "Oh I will just pick up on that tomorrow." Tomorrow never came. It took getting an email…
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  • Maybe I’ll run away Maybe I’m over you Maybe I shouldn’t stay Maybe I just don’t care Maybe I talk too much But baby I’ll be there
    January 20, 2019
    Ugh.. what a weekend.. Just a waste. Everything seems to be anymore. I can't find anything to look forward to. I ate a whole pizza this evening.. Because I am disgusting and out of control. I feel so empty.. I use the reasoning that I will just start my strict diet tomorrow... yeah yeah.. I…
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  • Please.. just.. stop..
    January 20, 2019
    I love my father to death.... but he is driving me NUTS.... My dad is a very negative person.. hence the reason I had to get out of the town my parents live in. Again, I love my parents to death... but the constant negativity about Politics, about my sisters boyfriend.. about the one guy…
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  • But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home Sitting all alone inside your head..
    January 13, 2019
    I put off writing this entry all day.. until I knew I was drunk enough to pour out my true feelings here. Who the fuck am I anymore? One minute I sit here.. saying to myself how I am going to put myself first.. No men .. no alcohol.. The next I am drinking.. Throwing…
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  • When things are too beautiful, I smash them to pieces
    January 6, 2019
    It has been a month since I have texted D.... I won't text him.. I refuse it. I love him so much... but it isn't doing me any good to keep hanging on to a ghost. I had that dream about him.. Where he was saying * I only need a couple more months *…
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  • Ups and Downs..
    January 1, 2019
    Some days I feel like I am on top of the world... but recently those days have been so far and in between. I feel like absolute shit. I feel so fucking empty and alone. I keep to myself and I feel like absolute shit. I just watch my life pass me by day in…
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  • Baby I’ve been trying….nothing seems to cover up the pain
    December 30, 2018
    I had such a hard time sleeping last night. I ended up not going to bed until 3 am.. was back up around 630.. couldn't sleep. I decided to get up and head into town early to get a good parking spot for breakfast at my favorite place. The sad thing is... today I was…
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  • Drunk girl…
    December 30, 2018
    To my ex friends.. FUCK YOU! I feel like some of you may even be reading this.. so FUCK YOU! You disappeared for no reason, you disappeared when I needed you the most... you disappeared like the little bitches that you are. I believed in you.. I was ALWAYS there for you... I would've  NEVER…
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  • That’s all she wrote…
    December 29, 2018
    Life has been a whirlwind of emotions for me lately. I am having a hard time getting adjusted to the new job. The people there aren't as nice as I was told they were... or were hoping the would be. I am learning extremely quickly who I can, and can not trust.. I have already…
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