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110318

November 3, 2018
If I could describe the state of my life this week, it'd be turbulent or emotional. I'm feeling rather sad. I try to look on the bright side of things, and I just feel some mixture of wariness and gratefulness for those things. Yet some part of me is afraid that what I put my…
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Recent Entries

  • 110118
    November 1, 2018
    Today is my birthday. I'm really dreading the fact that I have to start today, because today is really stressful and I probably won't be home until 8 again. The last, last time I went through something rather tumultuous I ended up having to get therapy. I think a lot about the therapist's techniq...
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  • 103118
    October 31, 2018
    So she tried to fire me. The downside is that she gave no verbal or written warning and HR warned her about labor laws and how they have to give me time to improve performance. The upside is that we’re civil towards each other and she continues to mentor me while I continue working hard…
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  • 102918 pt III
    October 29, 2018
    Today I adopted two new pets; it was unexpected. They're called Winter Whites, or Winter White Dwarf Hamsters. I think animals are comforting, especially now with my turbulent job situation. And ever since I fostered a kitten, I've been wanting a pet. Since my household is allergic to cats I've o...
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  • 102918 pt II
    October 29, 2018
    Honestly, I think my boss wants to hire her friend. She told me a year ago that her friend was graduating this fall, and she wanted to offer a position to her friend who is from the same country as her. I think she's probably shifting people around like on a chessboard. I recall in…
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  • 102918
    October 29, 2018
    Today my boss notified me that she might fire me. For awhile I wondered if it was because I lacked the ability to become a scientist. Back then, I didn't know how to recover from a setback. Now I realize, with age, that it's about perseverance. Because after some time, the doubts and lack of…
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  • 102818 pt III
    October 29, 2018
    Is it possible to be in love with two different people at once? Not for me. Before my ex there was someone else. My friend. I "picked" my ex because of how much he resembled him. Of course as time passed, he began to fade as my ex took center stage, but the fact that…
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  • 102818 pt II
    October 28, 2018
    To be honest, I don't recall ever taking so long to learn new words. I'm not sure what the hold up is. My mind hasn't functioned the same ever since the psychotic break. It's easier to mix things up now. Scenarios become interchangeable. My dream scape has changed as well.  There's a narrative no...
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  • 102818
    October 28, 2018
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52nfjRzIaj8 I notice I tend to put the songs that remind me of him on repeat. It seems fitting that I should be thinking of him more this time of year. It's been 363 days since we last spoke. Tomorrow marks the day he had asked me to marry him and I'd said yes. It'...
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  • 102618
    October 26, 2018
    There's those moments in life where you just need things to pass. This is one of those moments. It all just feels very numb right now.
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