Recent Entries

• Oh, Geez, Sam!

  September 11, 2013

  Notes, or noted: Just maybe, without realizing it, I did a lot of expecting others to care for/"fix" my feelings (more than I cared for theirs) I am very blessed--nice place to live, pretty surroundings, wonderful job of nanny for my granddaughter, family that loves me It feels good to ...

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• When It Is Time

  July 12, 2013

  Spicy peanut chicken over brown rice... yum, and plenty of leftovers for when M gets home from work, if he is hungry. Feel happy.   Have been working on releasing old thought patterns.  I do not need to find fault with others, but instead, I let go of the habit of taking responsibility ...

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• Content

  May 31, 2013

  it seems to me that i feel guilty if i feel content, but at the same time feel like i should be content you know, the damned if you do, damned if you don't, only it is my own judging thoughts doing the damning guilt because lazy not living up to potential 100 things i…

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• All Feelings

  May 30, 2013

  baby is sleeping right now windy day, storms threatening, 77 degrees, muggy older son and daughter-in-law have gone for the weekend for a seminar in her medical specialty i am here until sunday night miss M when i have to be gone overnight--i was here with baby all last weekend, too lately feel s...

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• Light

  May 22, 2013

  Different than a lightbulb going on--more like a veil being lifted, or sooty glass that was obscuring the light being swiped, allowing clear light to penetrate.  Feels fresh, weightless. Here it is: I never need to defend against words, mine or others'. Words are never reality. They are just...

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• Short Hair

  May 20, 2013

  short hair so easy nothing to prove i am me however long my hair however blushing pink my lips however stern my glasses i am me i thought i needed infinite doses of approval why because i did not feel that i had a right to approve of me that i did not have the…

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• Spaciousness

  May 17, 2013

  Space around me, a cushion between me and all that is "not me".  Others' thoughts and opinions just are; they float and sometimes gouge and scratch, but only if I imagine that they are.  Otherwise, words, judgments, accusations, shoulds and should nots, they all are heard and ...

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• The Battle*

  May 10, 2013

  What do I name it--that "thing" that I battle? The Devil?  Ego?  Hormones?  Learned responses?  Uncontrolled emotions? I think ego would feel most accurate.  But what even is ego?  Oh, who cares... Was thinking about this on the way in to "work" t...

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• Cliche

  May 9, 2013

  An obstacle is an opportunity. Sounds so cliche... yeah, yeah, turn your obstacles into opportunities, blah, blah, blah, we all should do that. But somehow, there it is--IT IS THE ANSWER! Every single time I feel discomfort, it is an obstacle to my calm.  It might be simple or it might be hu...

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