So I think that I should know.

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Pressure Machine

December 27, 2023
Today is a day that is important. I wish I could have been my mother. Today I finally got medicine for my anxiety which may also be ADHD, but they treat the anxiety first. I could feel the medication almost immediately. It was subtle, but it felt like someone turned down my brain that never…
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Recent Entries

  • At Minimum
    August 26, 2023
    I feel like I live in the Twilight Zone most days because I don’t know what life I’m living or why I’m living it. I am a mom so I suppose that’s why. It still doesn’t feel like my life because I don’t really have a dad that is my dad. My mom is sick…
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  • You Again
    February 17, 2023
    Today I had a panic attack on a non kid day in front of lots of teachers because I was unaware that in five minutes I was to attend a training with the one principal in my life that I cannot remotely handle. He was the principal who told me I shouldn’t talk poorly about…
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  • A Valentine
    February 14, 2023
    Dear Me, Today your son said he loved his family and then he said he loved himself. And that was important. I don’t know if you love yourself but in case you do not, here are some things we know deep down about ourselves. I know you wish your family raised you in a more…
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  • Little Sister
    February 7, 2023
    If I were to have had a little brother or sister I would’ve treated them in a kind way and looked out for them. Things I wouldn’t have done: Made fun of them all the time over stupid things. Judged their life choices all the time. Micromanaged their life choices and when they didn’t like…
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  • The Problem In Being Correct
    December 14, 2022
    I am mostly doom and gloom when it comes to things in my life. So when I was absolutely positive my parents wouldn’t take care of their health and my mom’s incredible stress at my father’s dementia finally has taken its toll like I said it would, I don’t even know how to react. I…
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  • What even is my job
    November 28, 2022
    Check on your teacher friends, it’s not a good time for this profession. Not only can we die, but some of us work in super conservative, closed minded schools with kids who use the N word and make kids who are different feel like killing themselves. Kids openly say they hate school. There is bull...
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  • I don’t even know
    November 22, 2022
    Boise is not opening up a position until 2024 and the thought of having to be in the life that we are in and the house we are in until that time period actually kills me a little. I am on my fourth sickness since August. Covid from Dustin in August, a cold in all…
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  • Mother, you had me, but I never had you
    August 27, 2022
    John Lennon said it best. First and foremost, my mother was never taught how to love her children by her own mother. So that is something I let go of. My mom could somehow love her students though. More than me, it felt. Motherhood has sent me spiraling. When Atlas was born it was like…
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  • No More
    August 26, 2022
    There have been a few occasions I wanted to come home to get a break from the kids. Like home to my home town. Today was one of them, but my mom was too stressed and totally flies through over 11,000 dollars a month and has no money at the end of the month and…
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