Recent Entries

• I Want to Tell You Everything

  August 31, 2020

  I fight the compulsion to tell you every minute detail of my life. Seriously. I don't think I can remember a time or a relationship where I wanted to share everything. When I was single, I wanted someone to share experiences with, but with you, I want to tell you all of my thoughts and…

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• Every Time

  August 31, 2020

  Every time I pledge to shut it down; every time I say "this is it" I see something or think of something and "reach out" before I remember my new resolve and I have to start over again. I have conversations with you in my head. This is different because the way I answer is…

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• It Hurts

  July 5, 2020

  In the end, you will be here for two weeks and I will not see you. It hurts.

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• Everything, everything, everything, everything

  June 19, 2020

  I don't know where to start. I am so hurt. I am so sad. I feel as though I've been dumped. I don't know how to behave. I don't know how to be myself. I don't know how to be myself with you because being myself with you didn't work. I am worried if I…

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• Tuesday, 2.25.2020 8:54 p.m. MST

  February 25, 2020

  Plain. That's what I've got today. I left my dad at the rehab center tonight. I'm ashamed to say I left because it was hard. It was sad and boring, Although, I think my dad was only out of bed because I was there. He was falling asleep in his chair, I think. My dad…

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• Time to Forget

  February 16, 2020

  I wish I could forget you. Forget you in the moment. My life is better now, but I am riding the edge of insanity with all this thinking of you. Seriously. It's been almost a year and a half of almost constant thinking of you. It is soooo annoying. I wish I could say that…

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• That’s Not What It’s Supposed to Look Like

  February 8, 2020

  I am remembering something, just now. When I was doing personal growth seminars, one of the moderators used to say, "Sometimes support doesn't look the way you want it to look." Maybe that's B. Maybe her support doesn't look like I want it to. It's still support all the same.

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• And Away She Goes…

  February 8, 2020

  She's gone. I have so many emotions. Mostly I am sad. I feel like this is the end of something. I feel like from now on a piece of me will be missing. Truth be told, I always feel that way, right? That's my personality, right? My wife thinks I'm having an emotional affair. When…

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• Today

  December 22, 2019

  Today I am here. Existing. Tired and hungry and sad. Always sad. It’s the weekend before Christmas. Family is in town. Some staying with us. I love them and I don’t want people in my house. I have never really liked it and this is not the weekend for it. It feels like my lows…

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