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Next phase please

September 29, 2020
Should I journal when I’m okay too? I change so often. Am I really okay? It just seems like I don’t care as much these days. Also, I’ve made some cool stuff with my baby music skills so maybe it has put me in a good mood. I'm coming to terms with the fact I…
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Recent Entries

  • Termial ugliness
    September 18, 2020
    Since last week, I have strange dark patches of rough skin on my shoulders. My SHOULDERS. My most valued and unique body asset. I didn't panic for the whole week, because I'm almost sure I had something similar twice and it did go away. But it was smaller. Did it really look the same? I…
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  • Bloody tuesday
    September 15, 2020
    Yesterday was a good day. I took care to visualize myself taking it easy and doing one thing at a time. I could mold myself into this state of mind with ease and got into the evening with a sense of satisfaction and confidence. After all, during the last 7 days I finished a song,…
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  • Good I think?
    September 11, 2020
    Today was better. I could get an appointment for the terrarium delivery and I was actually happily thinking about the craftwork I’ll have to do to set up the new gerbil home. I bought everything and my monthly balance didn’t bottom too low. I could agree on some off days to give myself more time&...
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  • Can’t think of a title
    September 9, 2020
    I will try to write every week. I’m not “learning to know myself” if I never remember the lessons, or even the extent of what I have achieved. The fact is, I have overall NOT improved emotionally for a whole bunch of years. I did however improve in the dating area, and well, regarding this…
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  • Dummy thoughts
    August 21, 2020
    I dared talk about my plan to make art as my main activity, it gave me me bad luck therefore I won't make good artworks and songs anymore. I think about my boss that I don't like so I won't make good artworks and songs anymore. I made too many pieces that I like, it…
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  • Just don’t feel it duh
    August 20, 2020
    "I mean you have to have some emotional intelligence." WELL DUH, DAD. Duuuuh Thank you very much. Because of your advice I magically decided to have some emotional intelligence, so nothing hurts anymore, all of a sudden I don't care about what anyone thinks of me, I can't cry anymore so I will do...
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  • Going down the drain
    August 18, 2020
    There's really no way to describe depression to someone who has never experienced it. Like, I just want to feel confortable for a whole minute... Is it comparable to when you're crashing after taking drugs? Chemically it could make sense. I've spent the last two weeks on intense anxiety. At some ...
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  • Gathering my last bit of energy of the day cause my therapist asked me to journal
    August 17, 2020
    I wonder the amount of anxiety a brain can take before literally bursting into flames. There must be a physical thing that happens, right? Stupid thing to keep telling yourself "just get through the day, nothing lasts, it will get better tomorrow" when things literally keeps getting worse, and wo...
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  • Brain freeze
    August 16, 2020
    Being upset is one thing, being anxious is one thing. But when you realize nothing has been exciting you for days in a row, that the weight in your chest is only gettig worse, and that not even getting hobby work done is enough to lift it off, you're like: Oh no, not this shit…
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