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Asset 5

Already May

May 13, 2021
It’s already May. How did it get here so fast? How is it already nearly half over? Time is going too fast. We are almost at a year without Kira. An entire year. I think about her often. She was living her last days a year ago. Yet, she had no idea.  She was hoping…
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Recent Entries

  • Asset 5
    Just Missing K & Rambling
    April 16, 2021
    I miss her. Somedays worse than others. We are getting close to 11 Months. Close to a year. It isn’t fair. It’s not. She’s still here though. I know she is. The little signs. I was sitting here minutes ago. Looking at the “Out of the Darkness” Walk for Suicide Awareness. Making plans in my…
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  • Asset 5
    Respite Care, Back to Reality
    April 13, 2021
    Kids are good for the soul. They truly are. Damaged, broken kids are even better. I 100% believe this. No matter how bad I’m feeling. How rough it’s going. They give me purpose, drive, motivation. They fill these awful holes in my heart. They soothe the constant anxiety I feel lately. They occupy...
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  • Asset 5
    Another Day, Another Ramble
    April 4, 2021
    I’m tired but have more cleaning to do. So I’m smoking a cigarette instead. Makes sense. I spoke to Jessie a therapist I happen to really love and do a lot of work with briefly after my last post. I’d previously asked if seeing me was a conflict. Living in a rural area makes everything…
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  • Asset 5
    Thoughts of Death – lets just volunteer.
    March 25, 2021
    Life. It’s short. It’s wild. It’s crazy. Then it’s over. Just like that. If I’ve learned nothing it’s this. You never know when it’ll end. When one day it’ll just be finished. Yet, it’s only finished for you. So many others continue to breathe. Continue in the world that never stops spinning. I c...
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  • Asset 5
    A Sunday Full of Tears
    March 21, 2021
    Maybe Sundays should be called - Bawling hysterically Sunday’s until a full blown panic attack is in progress. Fitting name for them. It’s Sunday. I hate Sundays. Hate them. We are now reaching 10 months since Kira was murdered. Sunday morning she had no idea 12 hours later she’d be dead. 3 1/2 m...
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  • Asset 5
    Rambling to Deeper Rambling – Enough for Tonight
    March 16, 2021
    Another day. Another set of clients. Some days I struggle wondering if I want to do more or not. Other days I feel fine where I am - who would guide these clients to resources if I moved on. Moving on is great. Sometimes I do feel I’m selling myself short. Yet, I feel this…
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  • Asset 5
    Visits in a Dream
    March 11, 2021
    It’s been so long since I had a dream with him in it. Honestly, I can’t remember the last times. They’re always similar tho. Ending in a hug that feels so real. I woke this morning from one of those real, vivid dreams. He’d been gone in the Navy and was due home. Why the…
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  • Asset 5
    Bubbling of Anger & Sadness
    March 8, 2021
    I feel as if I’ve spent the majority of the last 12 months just angry. Angry at so many things. All out of my control. I know it gets me nowhere yet I can feel it under the surface. Bubbling. It has been nearly a year since this COVID crap and being forced to give…
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  • Asset 5
    Awful Day
    March 3, 2021
    Today has been a nightmare. Very. Serious. Nightmare. Thank god it wasn’t worse but it was bad enough. My alarm starts going off and I automatically hit snooze before looking. Half asleep I glance at the screen. What the hell - Are those a ton of missed calls I’m seeing? Trying to focus. Random n...
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