Recent Entries

• I walk this path alone

  April 17, 2024

  I walk this path alone With Him by my side At the moment we are scaling darkness It has felt dangerous at times and deadly  But now, the inertia is like something that must be accepted.  I don’t want to go outside. I want to ‘curl up’ - like a wounded animal and protect myself.…

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• Oh the days they beat me dry

  April 16, 2024

  Oh the days they beat me dry I don’t ask my body why She remains sullen and silent There once was a time when I had energy Now I dread daylight  Now I dread space and time and all the things I craved.  Frustration seems to be all I know now.  Frustrated at a knot,…

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• It can seem futile

  April 16, 2024

  It can seem futile  Any endeavour It can seem broken in purpose  And coloured by my sense of self I can seem Sisyphean the task But so many have completed it.  I write to show you I love you I write to let my heart breathe and flutter her wings  Otherwise she would be couped…

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• Dark times

  April 16, 2024

  There is nothing to do when the day is dark There is nothing I can say  Nothing I can reclaim My body feels like wet sand and my heart and mind black as stone Life is outside the window  I’m so grateful she calls my name Why does the mind have to complicate this  And…

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• Can you understand me

  April 16, 2024

    Do they understand me  The ones I’m so afraid of I can’t live in this prison of anticipated violence  I can’t move beyond this idea I have of myself It should all be so easy With time. A heart, a voice  But I feel like I’m lost I feel like I can’t go on …

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• What do you want from me

  April 16, 2024

  What do you want from me I try oh I try  Is there a secret home for me  Where I can watch this hell go by You once said to me I had a place Way up with the angels in divine space What now do you want from me  Somewhere somehow What do you…

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• Dark days

  April 12, 2024

  It’s not what I expected it to be, being here. I didn’t anticipate the stress, the worry. The fact that my former pain hangs thick in the air. that energy sent me a bit crazy. When I first arrived back I didn’t know why I felt so out of sorts but I spent a few…

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• Victim of history

  May 15, 2023

  Tried to write about stigma. Wrote as much as I can manage. It is so hard living in this current age and living alongside a mental health system that has such a long time before it catches up with what is good for the people living ‘under’ it. Coming out of psychosis I went through…

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• Oh god

  April 29, 2023

  Dead dead brain no inspiration blank blank mind nervous system on high alert mind preoccupied with the negative - failure, self-esteem, the future, the past. I just forget every day that I’m free to write and just speak, speak, speak until the pain goes away. I am free. When I accept this I feel ...

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