I am like a soft, warm, undefined, gentle mist. I feel as if I am often in soft focus, background music to the dance of life. Rarely do I share my true opinion, and even more rarely is it appreciated.

When I do stand for something, I have been told that I'm intimidating, sharp, dangerous. So, I defend those who can't defend themselves, and when I am done I dissolve again into smoke. I fear I am not enough, but also too much.

So, this is my journey: to step into the light, define my edges, and become more comfortable with my claws. Onward, and ever clearer.

Latest Entry

025. “Smoke Dragon”

September 10, 2020
This is my struggle -- to become who I really am, and to be comfortable with it. Growing up, it became evident to me that being quiet and unseen was preferred. Opinions of my own weren't valued; I became a pro at mirroring back people's own opinions, even with few context clues to tell me…
Continue Reading...

Recent Entries

  • 024. Sunny days
    September 5, 2020
    Last night, my mother had her first skype call with my daughter in months. It was monitored by my husband, it was short, and my step-father was present, as I had specified. My mother tends to go on mini-rants about things she hates (which could be anything - examples include colors she doesn't li...
    Continue Reading...
  • 015. Unwelcome return to normalcy
    June 23, 2020
    I got catcalled today. It's the first time in nearly three months. Let's backtrack a little. I feel as if I am starting the story in the middle. I'm pretty. I'm not saying that to be annoying or arrogant. Certainly, my body isn't anywhere close to model-perfect. I'm close to 65 pounds overweight,...
    Continue Reading...
  • 012. Slowly healing
    June 14, 2020
    I can feel myself slowly healing for the first time in a long while. Ever so slowly, it's like pieces of me that I didn't realize were damaged have started coming back to life. I am suddenly very aware that there is a gaping, open wound in my soul. The edges have begun the process…
    Continue Reading...
  • 011. The eye of the beholder
    June 12, 2020
    Theme of the Week #78: What qualities (seen or unseen) do you find most attractive in a person? This one is a tough one for me. As previously mentioned, I don't find most people attractive, as such. Oh, I mean, they definitely look attractive. I am, in all things, someone who appreciates beauty a...
    Continue Reading...
  • 009. The Natural Conclusion
    June 3, 2020
    It has taken me days to be ready to talk about this. Days of heartbreak and crying and knowing that things were eventually going to end up this way, but it wasn't any easier. The beginning of this story isn't a couple days ago. It's not even a couple years ago. This week is the…
    Continue Reading...
  • 008. No consequences
    May 28, 2020
    Theme of Week 77: What would you do if you could live a day without consequences? What does that mean, really, no consequences? No legal repercussions? All you really need for that is to be a rich, respected member of society. But maybe it's no emotional repercussions, no societal backlash, no re...
    Continue Reading...
  • 007. Rage
    May 27, 2020
    Punching rude people in the face should be socially acceptable. Two days ago (it has literally taken me over 24 hours to mentally process this interaction into a form that I can relate to other people)... So, two days ago, at work (my stress level slightly ticks up, even as I write this), as I&he...
    Continue Reading...
  • Intro
    May 13, 2020
    Hi, everyone. It's been a long time. A very long time. I have almost always had a diary. At first it was a paper one, then an online diary. I have trouble writing down my thoughts if I don't, at least in theory, have an audience I'm talking to. Otherwise, it just feels like I'm…
    Continue Reading...

Search Entries

  • Use dropdowns or search terms above to find entries.

Chapters