My name is Nina. I am like a soft, warm, undefined, gentle mist. I feel as if I am often in soft focus, background music to the dance of life. Rarely do I share my true opinion, and even more rarely is it appreciated.

When I do stand for something, I have been told that I'm intimidating, sharp, dangerous. So, I defend those who can't defend themselves, and when I am done I dissolve again into smoke. I fear I am not enough, but also too much.

So, this is my journey: to step into the light, define my edges, and become more comfortable with my claws. Onward, and ever clearer.

Latest Entry

053. Hotel rooms, scarves, turtles

April 23, 2021
Bear has endless energy. She's currently running from one end of the hotel room to another, turning around, doing it again. She's already decided that this is the Best Vacation Ever. We actually haven't done much. The point was to just get away, and many of the businesses here are closed, tempora...
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Recent Entries

  • Asset 5
    050. Tears understood
    April 20, 2021
    Are you supposed to get done with your therapy session and feel like you've been run over by an emotional truck? Are you supposed to have cried so much you no longer have tears? Are you supposed to feel this tired? When people say that you have to "do the work" in your therapy, they…
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  • Asset 5
    049. Stealing my mornings
    April 20, 2021
    Sooooooo tired..... Two days a week, I get to spend the whole day with Bear. Other than about two to three hours in the evening, this is all the time I get to spend with her. I work a full forty-hour week; Lev works around forty-five hours a week; neither of us get to spend…
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  • 045. Impulsiveness
    April 9, 2021
    I just impulse-bought two yards of gorgeous pink fabric. It's one of those bright, eye-catching colors that I rarely wear. I know that it'll look good on me; my dark hair and light skin will pop next to the bright shade. This is precisely why I usually opt for duller, darker colors. I don't want&...
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  • 043. A Very Smart Man
    April 6, 2021
    My life marches on, sometimes without me. I feel stuck in the mud, figuratively. The seasons are moving again. It's Spring. Soon it will be Summer. I'm cautiously optimistic for Summer. I've lost two Summers in a row. I don't want to hope too much for this one. I don't want my hopes and dreams&he...
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  • Asset 5
    042. Trade-offs: OCD vs. Depression
    April 2, 2021
    This entry contains descriptions of my specific mental health problems and the coping strategies of my day to day life, specifically my struggles with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Sometimes people find other people’s experiences with mental illness and OCD helpful to their own healing process, ...
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  • 040. The Cast of Characters
    April 1, 2021
    Just for clarity, and because I've never actually given a list, here are the people in my life that I either have already talked about or may talk about in the future. I've attempted to roughly sort them from most-probable-to-talk-about to most-insignificant: It should be noted that these are all...
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  • 038. In the mirror
    December 30, 2020
    So, I have a problem with my self-image. I kinda always have, actually. I look in the mirror, or at pictures of myself, and it's always a little jarring, because my internal image of ME doesn't match what I'm seeing. There's like this disconnect between my inner self and what I actually look like...
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  • 037. Merry Christmas, everyone
    December 25, 2020
    Merry Christmas. This is a strange holiday for me this year. There are friends that I normally see that I haven't this year. There are family members that I normally call that I'm not talking to this year. There are fewer presents under the tree for previously stated reasons. However, it's still ...
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  • 034. In my purse
    November 2, 2020
    "I have extra bandages in my purse." These are the words that escape my mouth when I'm asked how I am. It's a well-meaning question, but I don't even know how to explain the mental space I occupy lately, even to well-meaning people. I'm restless, hypervigilant, and increasingly exhausted. The lev...
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