If I could go anywhere right now, I would go to a movie-fied version of Paris in the 1950’s…all Technicolor pastels…and with all the sparkle of the celluloid that captured it…and I would stride down the street in my heels, walking a poodle & smoking Gauloises like I was the fucking shit, man. And I would be. I would be the fucking shit...

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THERE’S JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM

May 19, 2022
THERE’S JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM Stone Temple Pilots is playing here next month Their song Interstate Love Song used to mean something to both of us I desperately want to call you and invite you to go see them But Scott Weiland is already dead And now so are you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0...
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Recent Entries

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    May 18, 2022
    Lightning brightening the blue panel of sky Visions of electrified roots, contrast dye shot through a lung Then, the low grumble of Zeus’ apoplectic threats Even my hair feels alive, charged and crackling, standing up like Sputnik 1 I’m sucking my fingers and watching the storm on the front porch...
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  • ALTERNATE UNIVERSE
    May 9, 2022
    ALTERNATE UNIVERSE Someone wished you a happy birthday on your Facebook wall and then asked if you were ok- noting your absence, unaware that you were planted, namelessly, under a tree up in Forest Hill Cemetery over two years ago And I know I should feel pain from the greedy-fingered pinch of gr...
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  • ROWAN
    May 3, 2022
    ROWAN This morning I cry in my car thinking of my boy who once watched a monarch flit past him in our backyard before sweetly wishing it good luck The boy who once told me heaven would love someone like me, and wished good morning to the sun Today, for the first time, he pulled…
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  • MY 39TH BIRTHDAY
    April 10, 2022
    MY 39th BIRTHDAY After a few drinks with friends, we stayed up till 2 am in a cheap hotel, laughing at the worst things to ever be given the title of pillow that we find gracing the bed Little cotton pancakes made of spun sugar left out in the rain So comically flat we just can’t let it…
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  • Necessary Fodder
    March 23, 2022
    Trigger Warning: Suicide From time to time, I still think about the others I met in the hospitals and crisis centers, in the lowest points of our lives. And I wonder if they’re ok. I wonder if they beat the statistics of failed suicide attempts like I did—or if they finally got their wish to…
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  • Something That is Gone
    March 16, 2022
    Dearest Alex. It usually hits me at night…when the children are asleep and the world has gone quiet. The longing sadness. The shawl of loneliness upon my shoulders. Is this what is like in your bed in the depths, my love? I should have come to visit you before the snow. I’m sorry I didn’t.…
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  • I CAN’T FORGET
    March 11, 2022
    I CAN'T FORGET that note you sent me after I told you I was creating a new life; little needles knitting pink yarn into baby within the waterworld of my whooshing womb. In the note, you told me all the reasons I shouldn’t- naming all the ways you knew I would fail. You ended your…
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  • YOU’VE BEEN DEAD TWO YEARS
    March 10, 2022
    On March 26, Alex will have been dead 2 years already. It seems impossible that it's been that long--yet in other ways, it feels like he's been dead for much longer. I guess, in a way, he was dead before he died...alone and strung out. Some day I will be less sad. Today is not…
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  • Rowan’s Birthday Letter- Age 7
    February 11, 2022
    As many of my longtime readers know, I write letters to my children on their birthdays. I send the letters to an email account I've created--with the intent of turning over the username/password when they turn 18. Rowan turned 7 on February 8--so this is a little delayed. Unfortunately, I have be...
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