If I could go anywhere right now, I would go to a movie-fied version of Paris in the 1950’s…all Technicolor pastels…and with all the sparkle of the celluloid that captured it…and I would stride down the street in my heels, walking a poodle & smoking Gauloises like I was the fucking shit, man. And I would be. I would be the fucking shit...

Latest Entry

Love in the Context of His Absence

June 16, 2019
Today, on Father’s Day, my much older, mostly emotionally distant lover was texting me…Me, the girl with daddy issues. The irony isn’t lost on me. Lately, I have become a bomb tech fondling red wires when we text…Gently sussing out the dangerous strands from the impotent ones with my sensitive fi...
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Recent Entries

  • Empty Walls *Edited, More Pics
    June 12, 2019
    I’ve been thinking about that trip we took to Brooklyn…It was the last time you looked at me through the tunnel vision of a loving spyglass, drawing me close by focusing in on only me. After that, the lens flipped backward and you were pulling away from me without even leaving the shore. It was&h...
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  • Albatrosses in All Shapes & Sizes
    June 8, 2019
    Hello, kids. I’ve got a triple shot of vodka, that I’m calling a double…Can feel my bloodstream sigh out its relief as it hits. I have been cutting back on drinking the past couple weeks—aside from one night last week where I blacked out & sent out affectionate fb messages to everyone under t...
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  • These Are the Things that Sustain Me
    June 3, 2019
    As I’ve explained in previous posts…I started an email account for my daughter when she was a toddler. I write frequently to this account-sending her letters and quotes and music and poetry. When she is older, I’ll give her the password, so she can have all these letters and memories and experien...
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  • Zone Out
    June 2, 2019
    These are troubling times in the kingdom…. (Remember that Progressive ad?) Anyway… My mother’s sister contacted me back in March on fb messenger, writing that she had heard I was going through a rough patch and offering her support, if I needed it. Odd…because, well, I have never met this woman. ...
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  • Stations of the Cross: As Applied to My Dysfunctional Childhood
    May 29, 2019
    Please note: I apologize to anyone sick of reading about my childhood… but finding ways to write it out is the only thing that helps when the anxiety & memories threaten to unseat me from reality...   The Stations of the Cross: As Applied to My Dysfunctional Childhood 1.Jesus is condemned to ...
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  • Distraction from Reality (Music Entry)
    May 25, 2019
    It is necessary to distract myself from my reality these days. I'm just in the deep darks lately. Unable to shadowbox my own self-loathing, I'm making my bed in the depths.  I know there is still a part of me that just wants to fucking feel better.  And that part of me is a filthy,…
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  • Spitting in My Face
    May 23, 2019
    Earlier this week, I left my monthly therapy appointment barren with numbness. My wasteland mind, my dust bowl mouth.  It is no longer a destination I am walking towards, I have become the badlands where nothing good grows. I have been experiencing a lot of rage lately. I feel it like it's hooked...
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  • Songs to Save the Day
    May 20, 2019
    (Please note: This was written last night--but posted today...) It has been stressful the last few weeks at work and home. Sometimes, the only thing I know to do to get by (besides dilute my bloodstream with vodka)--is to make a soundtrack to save the day. Here are some of the tracks that made my...
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  • Wishing for More Days Like This (photo entry)
    May 19, 2019
    Yesterday, I took the babies to Forest Park. It's a beautiful wooded park in the tiny village I went to high school in, about 45 minutes from where I currently live. A river runs through the sun dappled park & it is the place I feel most calm, most in touch with some part of…
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