The basics are: Libra; mother; Pagan; Hispanic; college-graduate; sarcastic; humorous; curious; shy & out-going (one of those people that the first impression is that of "What is this woman about???" and then you get to know me and the gloves come off and BAM); Democrat; tolerant; compassionate; loyal; mostly happy... There are more and as I age, I find that I am more willing to add more things to the list. So I am sure that I will refine this as time goes on.

Latest Entry

Today

October 21, 2018
I’m better today. Well not 100%. I wish I were. I spoke to my adult kids about what happened. I apologized for not being strong enough to not get swayed by the demons in my head. They reiterated that we are in this grief journey together and that they loved me. That I am to…
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Recent Entries

  • Close Call
    October 20, 2018
    ***Trigger warning*** I sat with the knowledge of what I was going to do for most of the night. I weighed and measured the options of method and finally, I settled.  Grief sucks and makes people crazy. And I’m allowed to be crazy. But there is a limit. I reached that limit and then some. …
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  • Poetry
    October 14, 2018
    The hibernating beast Stirred Stiff and confused At first Unsure of why She had awakened She lay still though Gathering her bearings Remembering The yearning The hunger Languidly she stretched Appearing unassuming Then the Growls resonating deep From within As she recognized The growing urgency A...
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  • Two Months
    October 14, 2018
    The two month mark came by and I didn’t realize until it was damn near 9 pm. Is that what happens with grief? Do you get so wrapped up in living that you don’t realize the day? The crying daily has mostly subsided. Mostly. I tried to move on with another guy and he ended…
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  • I Can’t Breathe
    October 9, 2018
    "I Can't Breathe" by Bea Miller Somebody get me a hammer Wanna break all the clocks and the mirrors And go back to a time that was different A time when I Didn't feel like there was something missing Now my body and mind are so distant Don't know how to escape from this prison…
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  • Can We Call It A Draw?
    October 5, 2018
    There have been multiple instances of my breath catching when I think of tomorrow and that there will be one birthday wish that I won’t get. I don’t want to birthday without that one wish. He may not have texted me or sent me FB messages or flat out wished me a happy birthday on…
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  • Mondays Do Deserve to Step on Legos
    September 24, 2018
    6 weeks.  I don’t know why time kept marching on. I begged it not to. But here we are. 6 weeks later. I found a post, one of my “on this day” posts where I was telling Monday that it could go step on a lego. You defended Monday. I laughed until I cried at…
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  • The Rage
    September 18, 2018
    I screamed at you today. Hit my steering wheel a lot. Demanded that you explain to me why you decided to die. The uncontrollable, unexplainable rage hit. And my shoulders are still tight from it. And now I’m in a fog like state mixed with this sense of spiraling out of control. Why oh why…
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  • Untitled-land
    September 16, 2018
    I sat, looking at my hands, pondering how old they are looking. And I realized you will never hold my hand again. It took four weeks and 6 days to make that realization. What others have I not figured out? What people don’t tell you about grief is that it is exhausting. I don’t think…
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  • I Don’t Want To
    September 14, 2018
    I don’t want to move on!  I don’t want to keep moving forward away from you! I don’t want to because the further I get away from you... I don’t remember what your voice sounded like. It’s only been a month... and I can’t remember your voice. Every day that you aren’t here, I lose…
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