swimming at the river.

she invited me, and three friends over to go swimming at the river yesterday:::::….

it was nice. we met around 3.30 – got to the place around 4… got back around 6.30 and had some dinner. and then played hand and foot. when all was said and done she texted me when i got home saying ‘it was nice just to hang out today,’ and then also said, ‘now i know how to get you to talk… invite ___ (one of the friends that came – he and i talk a lot when together)!!!"

i didn’t read too much into it, but i just remember me a few years ago would love to read into it. i’m trying to not now – but what i mean by reading into it, is (1) yes it was nice to hang out, but had it been my ex saying that, she would be saying that condescendingly as if ‘it’s nice we didn’t hug or kiss a lot today – because that’s all you want to do…’ – which, no, it’s not all her (my gf now) and i do, but if it bothers her, or if we DO do that ‘too much’ – it takes two to tango. and i go with the flow… sometimes i just need a little heads up, you know, ‘hey, i’m bored with this,’ or ‘can we change up the routine..’ – i don’t know how she meant it. because if she just used ‘hang out’ as a generic term, then we’ve hung out like 3 times this week – which yes, it was nice, once again, to hang out.

and the second thing i shouldn’t look into, is her saying that at least she now knows how to get me to talk. i think she often forgets that i’m a quiet person (i might write a lot, but face-to-face conversation, i can’t think up topics, nor can i small talk about nothing). she’s lived on a ranch on her whole life, and her family is a family of farmers. i lived in the town my whole life, and you start throwing around words like swathers, combines, and whatever else, they’re all ‘tractors’ to me. and i couldn’t tell you how one ought to operate, which if i don’t know that – it takes the amusement out of their stories they tell each other about it acting up. i’m not trying to be mean, and i do enjoy the stories, it’s just, bottom line, don’t expect me to ask questions, or know what to say to keep the conversation going.

in any case.. these aren’t really pressing matters, nor does she seem all too upset or anything – and i think she more or less just said these things as more conversation. i’m not too concerned about it. just wanted to say these things to SOMEone.

what sucks is that she’s going back to college, the 22nd is her first day. college is 90 miles away, and once again we won’t see each other as often. i write her letters, and give them to her before she leaves, so she usually has one a week to open. i was hesitant the first time i did this (last fall), because i didn’t want to come across like "you HAVE to read this, and it’s all about ME" – because yes this could be taken as its meant, romantic, or it can be taken as an attention-wanting selfish brat… which is not my intention.

—

church has been good, except for in youth group it’s dynamics are changing big time. first off, one of my best friends – who’s i think 2 or 3 years younger than me – was the guitarist, and a leader (and i use that word VERY lightly) in the youth group, and he ended up moving about 60 miles away to another college town. that left a vacancy in the band for both guitar and singing. the band did ok last week without him. however i taught on ‘sin,’ and used two theological terms: original sin and personal sin. original sin is the romans 3.23 saying all have sinned, and in other words mentioning that we are brought into this world sinful, and innately, we just can’t escape the sinful nature within us because of what adam and eve did. (before you get depressed remember there’s the remedy: Jesus). and then personal sin, is the term applied to what we most recognize – the voluntary actions we do (like lust after porn) that are sinful, and we need to seek forgiveness.

some examples of original sin, then, are the fact that if you watch any toddler – why do they, without even being a taught this, have a tendency to be selfish, and not want to share? why do they just simply want to rebel? perhaps because we were born into a sinful world, and have adam and eve to thank. another example, is why are there people out there so bent in terms of attitude, that they believe the world is out to get them, or their philosophy in life is ‘life sucks and then you die,’ – yes, some are dealt bad hands in life, but i think for those who just can’t can’t bring the rut of being overly cynical, or overly arrogant – you know, those people who think they’re God’s special gift to humankind – i blame original sin, something in the genetic makeup of life in general has forever bent us.

well when i was using the selfish babies picture, apparently i ticked one of the students off in youth group to where she said nothing about it at youth group, but i got on later that evening on facebook, and there she wrote ‘i’m not going to youth group anymore’. and so after a series of e-mails i think that SHE thought that i was advocating babies ought to burn in hell and they’re dirty rotten sinners. not my case that i was going for. romans 2 talks about the grace given to those who sin without knowing it, and babies/toddlers, at least most people might not reach awareness until 5 or so. anyways, that’s a whole other discussion.

so that was fun to deal with. although i think we’re okay now, and i’ll find out tomorrow if she’s a youth group.

AND finally, aNOTHER musician might be leaving. school here flat out sucks now with all the changes, and he might go to college early (he tells me) or go to a different city to live with an older sibling and go to school there… so the dynamics are changing drastically at youth group.

holy crap fest this is a long entry. i don’t think this will be the norm. so God bless you if you read it all

days of freedom from sexual sin – 3