Friday 5/6/22
5:53am I’m above the dirt. I had a good night. I must of been tired because I slept through the night with no nightmares. I had one incontinence episode early in the morning. I was up by three or four. My aide got me up and into my wheelchair by 5:30. I’m still fighting this cold and had a very bad coughing spell when I got in my chair.
Chocolatechip called. She was very depressed. Again she talked about moving. She said it is not worth it when it starts affecting your mental health. She also went on about how she is afraid to let anyone in her apartment for fear of getting bed bugs. Then she said someone tried her door knob last night. She reached a point where she hates that place and doesn’t care about it but anymore.
I feel very bad for her. She had been living in Overbrook Towers for over twenty som¡e years. I said over the years you experienced a lot of harassment. But you did nothing wrong and you can leave with your head held high. I agreed with her that OT is not worth it once it affects your over all health. Then she started talking about the process of moving. Chocolatechip said she felt overwlmec. I said you need to talk with your case manager about moving. Maybe Healthways can help.
We talked about other things as well. I mentioned this cold has got me depressed. She asked if they are giving me meds. I said hell no, nursing home hasn’t done a thing. I talked about sleeping well last night. I did have a bad coughing spell before going to bed. She said she was sorry I’m still sick. I said I got up and am above the dirt. I’m doing good I said.
I did a lot of reading before going to bed. I read a chapter and a half o my bio of Roosevelt. I was on a good chapter about D Day. It was very interesting. Then I got kind of tired and had that coughing spell. I got tired after that and waited for the aide to put me to bed.
8:15am Chocolatechip is going to Northwood. She is very depressed. she called the emergency on call worker at Healthways. Her case manager is going to call het at 8:30. I hope Chocolatechip gets the help she needs. She wants out of Overbrook Towers. She talked about going to the Lighthouse Shelter. This is a place for people who suffered from physical and emotional abuse. I hope from there they will find a home for her where she can get the help she needs.
I feel pretty bad for her. I wouldn’t want to be in her position. I’m sure the case manager at Healthways will place her someplace. Yesterday Chocolatechip talked about this place in Wellsburg called Shiloh Manor. It is a group home and it would seem to me her best bet. But I don’t know what to tell her. All I can say is that she needs to let her CM help her. I feel bad because I can’t be of more help.
Well it is 8:30. The CM is supposed to call her. I hope to God Chocolatechip gets help. She sounded very depressed on the phone. I have never seen her so bad. I wish to hell I could be there with her. I wish to hell I wasn’t stuck in this damned nursing home. Part of me feels guilty for her being in that state. I keep thinking if I was there at OT she wouldn’t have gotten so depressed. I don’t know. I just feel bad this is happening and I hope Chocolatechip gets the help she needs.
1:31pm I have not heard from Chocolatechip. I do not know if she got in touch with Healthways or is in Northwood or the Lighthouse Shelter. I do not know if she is still living. For all I know she could have done herself in. I called her landline twice and her cell twice. I left messages on both but no answer. I’m worried sick about her thinking all kinds of stuff might have happened. I’m Fraud that I have good cause to worry.
I haven’t been doing much except sit by my phone waiting for call. I’ve been very depressed thinking the worse possible outcome. I can’t understand why she hasn’t called. It doesn’t take that much of an effort. One lousy short phone call would be a relief for me. I’m thinking glass half empty I know but I have good reason for my thoughts.
I feel like letting things go myself. Chocolatechip was the best thing that ever happened in my whole stupid life. I do not know what I will do if anything bad happens to her. I should be focused on her and not my own insecurities. But she is all I have do not have anyone else to talk with. I just do not know want anything to happen to my girlfriend.
I’m very depressed but that didn’t stop me from eating. I had beef stew, tossed salad, peaches and a dinner roll for lunch. I ate it all. Also had two fruit punches and no coffee. They were out of coffee. Grr!
Scott from physical therapy came for a talk after lunch. He said I have two more weeks to go. I talked to him about my goals. Going to work on getting in and out of bed, walking and streaming my legs. I’m kind of depressed that anything good will come of this. But then, I’m depressed about everything today. I’m not sure I want to go on. He said he will see me Monday.
I bought a book today. It is the true crime classic In Cold Blood by Truman Capote. It was only $1.99. I never did read this one and it is supposed to be a modern classic. No more books until I get my rent paid.
7:10pm I heard from Chocolatechip. She was at the ER unit of WMC. She has been there since early morning. The hospital is trying to find a pl ave for her. They picked this one place called Generations. This is in Youngstown, OH. Then there was a place in East Liverpool. Her sister Elaine wants her to go to a place near Wheeling. But it looks like this one hospital in Steubenville,Oh has an opening She might end up there. I asked if she is going back to Overbrook. She said at this point everything is up in the air.
I was glad to hear from her. We talked very briefly about her final destination. She She has to get better first. After that she might end up in a group home. I thought of this place in Wellsburg called Shiloh Manor. We were talking about it yesterday and it sounded ideal. It is hard to say where she will end up. All I want is what is best for her. I do know she needs to get out of Overbrook Towers for her own safety and well being.