Monday 1/23/23

5:32a.m. I had a nice aide this morning. She got me in !y wheelchair by 5. I had a good night as well with no nightmares. Consequential, I feel somewhat better. Cold symptoms are back with a vengence though. I woke up with a very bad coughing spell. Also, arthritis in  my left foot is acting up. at least I am not depressed or in such a foul mood.

7:14a.m. I slept in my wheelchair for about an hour. I woke up to find two cups of coffee and a glass of orange juice on my table. Fortified with caffeine I’m ready to face the day. And I am going to have a good day!.

12:22p.m. I’m doing pretty good today. I haven’t been obsessing about Chocolatechip. I haven’t read he diary and will not. I slept in my wheelchair all morning. I was awakened when they served lunch drinks. I’m now fortified with two cups of coffee and a glass of fruit punch. 

They will soon be serving lunch. According to the menu, I’m having Salisbury steak with gravy, mixed vegetables, scalloped potatoes, a dinner roll and Angel  food cake. I can’t wait because I’m getting hungry.

I just had it out with my asshole of a roommate. He was pushing his tray over to my side of the room. I pushed it back. He called me a c s and threw his water picture at me. I got mad and threw a glass of his at him. I yelled, ” Keep your stuff on your side  of the God Damned room! ” He really pushed me too far this time. I told the aides but nothing was done about it. 

I enjoyed my lunch despite the altercation. I hope I can stay up this afternoon. I want to read my book From Colony to Super Power by George C Herring. I am on the third section of the first chapter. I hope to get a good start on this book today. 

2:06p.m.  I’m kind of upset over the latest incident with the roommate. I talked with the social worker. I agreed to be placed in another room. She said she will check into it. In the meantime she said do not engage with my roommate. This will not be easy I said. He is always  pushing his shit on my side of the rooms. He does that on purpose to start trouble. 

Then I asked about a  private room. I’m already paying $583 a month. Social worker said it would come to $300 extra. A private room would be ideal for me but I can’t afford it. I only hope my next roommate stays on his side of the room. 

So much for a nice relaxing afternoon. I do not like to argue or fight. But I’m no saint and have my limits. My roommate pushed me to my limits today. I do not think my reaction was unreasonable and uncalled for. Still. I lost my temper and that makes me feel bad. I’ll be brooding over this for some time. 

5:07p.m. They will be serving supper soon. I’m having a grilled turkey and Swiss cheese sandwich with French fries and jello for desert. I’m looking forward to it. I had a nice nap sleeping for a couple hours.

5:37p.m They just transferred me to a new room . I’m glad to be away from that asshole roommate. I hope I can get along better with the new guy. They just moved me when I was drinking coffee. The place is a mess right now and I can’t get to my drinks. I hope the coffee won’t be cold when I get settled in.

6:31p.m. Coffee was cold but I drank anyways. Supper was good only there was a slight change in the menu. I had tater tots instead of fries. I’m still not settled in yet. My stuff is piled on my bed and every place else. I only hope the aides come to put everything away before bedtime. I only hope I sleep in my new environment tonight.

I had an extra cup of coffee with supper. I should be wide awake tonight. I hope I can get into my book. It seems all I’ve been able to do is sleep. I’ve been very depressed. I’ve been struggling depressed the last couple of with the damned breakup. All I’ve been wanting to do is sleep. Dealing with depression and pain makes me very tired.

I’m proud of myself though. I did glance at her diary but didn’tseem ng read it. I said to myself this is only going to hurt. Also, I haven’t thought about her too much today thanks to sleeping through most of it.Then I got to thinking about the altercation with my old roommate.  I was bothered by that until they put me in a new room.

This was a good day for the most part. I slept through most of it so I wasn’t bothered too much with depression or physical pain. Sleep is restorative in many ways. I feel like a new man after all that  sleep. 

I’m awake at last. I am determined to tackle that b going on took tonight.

9:49p.m I tried but could not get into reading. Maybe that book is just too heavy. I have a Stephen King story I haven’t read yet. The last two books I read were about history. With all the shit going on maybe I need some escapism.

I fell asleep for a couple hours. I have think I slept most of the day away. Depression is making me sleepy much. Pain from the breakup is making me very, very depressed. It makes me tired as a hell. Plus the sleeping is the best way to deal with the pain. Sleep and eating are my second coping mechanisms.

I got my nightly pbj sandwich a little bit ago. That is comfort food. I was lucky enough to get two. Now, after eating something, I am ready for more sleep. 


















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2 weeks ago

I think I’d rather be in physical pain than to be depressed.  But, being in pain makes me depressed, so.  I’m glad you had a better night and that you feel better mentally this morning.  Yes, you are going to have a good day.  Now, stay away from her diary!!

2 weeks ago

@happyathome I’m definitely not going to look atj her diary