Wednesday 5/11/22

7:32am I had  weird dream last night. I had a dream about a couple of men I worked with at Eagle Manufacturing. I could see them as plain as day. I was in a bad argument with this one man named Gary. Gary was accusing me of something and calling me all kinds of names. His friend Terry was sticking up for me but taking pot shots at both of us. I forget what the fight was about. All I remember was  the fighting

Well I am alive and above the dirt. I had excellent care last night. I got a shave and I brushed my teeth. Aide put me to bed at 11:30 I slept good but had a lot of incontinence episodes. I was kind of mad because one I didn’t get changed. Then she woke me up from a light sleep. I was in my chair wheelchair by five this morning. I dozed on and off until breakfast.

I had two slices of toast, scrambled eggs, and hot cereal. Aide messed up on my drinks. She gave me milk and oj. I can’t stand milk. Then I had no coffee. Coffee in the morning is a must for me. I cannot start my day without it. I was a bit pissed but the rest of my meal was good.

I did a lot of reading last night. There are a couple interesting plot twists in Gwendy’s Final Task. I was reading more about the button box. It is evil. Gwendy is also on my a space station with a man who might have been involved in killing her husband. This man, Garrith Winston, is after her button box. I think the two of them are going to have it out with each other. Also, there is something fishy about the crew and the company who built the space station.This is a very good book.

9:43am If this was not bad enough I got hit with you another blow. I called Capital One. I have $456 left for purchases My rent, which is pass due, is $481. I’m $25 short. I feel like shit because of this. Why in hell did I buy those books yesterday? Now they are going to declair me incompetent and get control of my check. Thanks to my own stupidity in buying books I do not need I am really screwed. Now no more books, New York Times or Open Diary. I will lose everything that keeps me halfway sane.

Because of this I got hit with all kinds of negative thinking. I was beating myself up pretty bad calling myself a worthless pos. Then I started thinking about my overall condition. I will never get better. I will never walk again. I started thinking I am pass my prime and it is time for me to go. I was thinking maybe I do not want to live much longer anyways.

Feeling somewhat better now. I asked the nurse if I could speak with the social worker. I’m going to offer the best deal I can. I will give the nursing home $456 now and the balance with next months rent. This is the best I can do.

9:47am Thank God the nursing home accepted my offer. I pay my id them $456.00 today. I think I will owe $501.00 next month. This includes the June rent of $481 plus $25 I owe for May. I feel lucky and grateful they accepted my offer. I swear I will never complain about this place again. I also said no books until I pay my rent!

I had good afternoon after the rent was settled. I had a good lunch which put me in a better mood. I had a cup of hot coffee and two glasses of fruit punch. Lunch and coffee lifted my spirits. But I felt so tired. I dozed on and off most of the afternoon. I did a lot of reading in between naps. I read Wendy’s Final Task. I took a break from it for dinner. I picked it up again and finished the book.

I must be on a Stephen King kick. I started reading Desperation. It starts out with a married couple Peter and Mary Jackson. They were from NYC  visiting Peter’s sister in Nevada who lives lives near Lake Tahoe. On the way back they took US 50 described as the lonelinest highway in the state. It crossed a desert.

I won’t go into details but this is as far as I go. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone  else. I highly recommend it and give Desperation a five on a one to five scale.j King is my favorite author and I read most of his books.

I had Salisbury steak, potatoes wedges, green beans and a dinner roll. I had pineapple tid bits for desert plus two fruit punches and a cup of coffee Dinner was good and I ate it all. Chocolatechip called after lunch. She is doing much better. She said her daughter called and they talked for awhile. We had a nice conversation and then she had to The aide just came in and I have to go as well