I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed of him before – but last night I dreamt I was in a house, with my girls, sitting at a table…and he was pacing back and forth outside the window, staring at me; I stood up and pushed my girls behind me, holding onto each of them on either side, as I repeatedly screamed at him to get away. The creepiest part is that he wasn’t pulled out of my memory exactly as he was – he didn’t look the same, he’d aged.
I could psychoanalyze it but it’s just a bit much for me to process right now.
I’ve felt like a chaotic, out of control mess for the past couple weeks – my hormones are doing their own thing and it’s been a nightmare; I think everything is finally evening back out tho, so hopefully I’ll get back to feeling okay/in control again soon…because this hormonal nonsense is just more than I can do, it’s just not “me” – I just want to feel like myself again & I feel like most of this year I’ve just felt so off.
My therapist recommended I see a nutritionist. He made a referral and sent my info to her…I emailed her today – not that I have any intention of seeing her, but I don’t know, I guess I’m not totally against it either. Maybe just moreso curious what I could/would get out of it. I told her I wasn’t sure I even really qualified as needing help, but that any information about her processes would be helpful in making a decision to actually schedule an appointment. We’ll see.
I’m also dealing with my regular doctor – I had bloodwork done back in June & had to get some liver levels rechecked last month…of course some dropped even lower and others are now elevated & I don’t understand what any of it means. Now I have to schedule another appointment with them & have a third blood draw next month to see what they do from here…yet the nurse still had zero advice on what to do in the meantime outside of recommending I don’t drink or take prescription drugs – which at this point we’ve discussed 4+ times that I do neither of, but I guess she either doesn’t believe me or thinks if she says it enough I’ll just stop asking. So I bought a liver cleanse to do – the reviews were all super positive and lots of people said it helped stabilize their labs, and google recommended I upped my zinc and magnesium intake so I added that to my daily vitamins. And I guess I just hope for the best, that everything levels out.
Life as an adult just kind of sucks sometimes.