[insert name here]

It bothers me because I don’t even have a name….

I know I’m over weight and my husband is as well. We are making the biggest effort and trying to feed our 5 month old in the healthiest way possible. He gets plenty of baby gym time,tummy time, bouncing time, he is 20 lbs now. besides him going to the doctor every two months he’s a bit chunky. Doctor says he’s fine, but I worry about his future. I don’t want him to grow up like I did. Even though I was a active child (still active person) obesity seemed to just be the normal for my body, looks like my husbands as well. Besides back pain that hasn’t been present in a few years my health seems ok. I mean besides the fatness.

Yesterday I went to my cousins graduation party. Everyone was in attendance unfortunately so was her mother. Her mother who is my Aunt (shamefully I say aunt because I personally never loved her nor even recognize her as a true relative because of the way she treats people) One of my aunts co workers came up to me and introduced themselves then mentioned to me that she never knew my name:

“Hi my name is Rita, I never knew your name until today because your Aunt only said that your name is Fat Girl, it’s nice to meet you Carla.”

I shook her hand and stared at my Aunt before she just walked away to attend to her daughters graduation party. This is after the fact that she is so severely overweight she has diabetes,has to wear a girdle to tuck in her gut, shops at lane bryant. For fifteen years though…I’m “Fat Girl”. This is my name and it hurts. I understand I’m fat, and apparently disgusting enough to never have a name. And, normally I’m the type of person to just ignore the what others say about me. I never complain about it because I really don’t care at the end of the day. I just go about my day. But this struck a nerve.

I’m insulted. Pissed off. Anger that is normally isn’t there just all of the sudden turned to a rage. I’m disgusted. Hurt. Sad. I feel like a child ready to start kicking and screaming because of this.

Why am I not worthy of a name?

Happy Mothers Day.