First of all, I apologize for my bad English. I’m using google translate. Maybe there is someone like me here. I really need to be understood.
I am a patient diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I am 22 years old, yet young. If you want, say that I am going through adolescence, if you want, say it is spoiled. I already know everything you can think of me, good or bad.
During this damn period, when my hands and feet were shaking and I was having nervous breakdowns, no one thought of my well-being. They just spoke. They spoke empty.
People… I loved them so much. I was always good with them, I wanted to help them. The word “no” was not in my dictionary. The better I am, the worse they become. As I took it from the bottom, they went up. The more people I embrace, the more I get hurt. (I’m wrong, I know. “Balance” is always necessary.)
I cried, shouted, tried to attract attention.
Is there no one around to understand me?
I tried a lot but couldn’t find it.
I’m in my 6th year. I succumbed to these pains for 3 years. They did not see. Then I started trying to kill myself. The voices were unbearable. There is sound everywhere! Morning and evening, at home and outside, on earth and in the sky … People are everywhere! They have taken over the world, in every way… Either they are speaking or their creations…
Unbearable, believe me.
From the sound of electricity to the sound of the neighbors. Every hoarse sound was driving me crazy.
I could not walk on the street, never take the bus, and I could not sleep. They say insomnia brings insanity, maybe you know. When I was trying to sleep at night, even if there was no sound, the sounds I heard in the morning were in my ears. I was really brain producing them, which is incredible, but very disturbing. At least from my point of view. (Neither myself nor those who experience this situation, I will not call it crazy. I hope the above sentence is understood as “people say that”. ”
Then my mom and dad noticed me. I started medicine in the 5th year. This year is my second year, I am taking medication.
Yes I’m better. But my life is like shit.
I could not establish my future, I tried but it did not work. My family gave me one last chance this year to build my future and to find happiness. With my efforts, I only managed to alleviate this disease and recover myself.
Now I don’t know what to do.
If God is … Anyway. It’s a different matter.
Actually, there is a lot that I have experienced. Most of my past has been erased from my memory. I can’t remember much … But the emotions are stable. My memory is really dead. That’s why I can’t even argue with people because I forget why we’re arguing. Maybe this is the brain’s mechanism to protect me, but I can comment from those who know.
I have 1 month. I will try to use it fully.
Have a nice day.