Sleep is for the Peaceful

That’s so true! Sleep is for the peaceful mind. The wicked never sleep! WHELP, that’s because our brains never shut the fuck up. Here is a rendition of my bedtime…

oh I’m sleepy let me lay down… oh let’s cuddle… well this is boring and I hate this show so let me roll over because god forbid I touch my phone “Oh your boyfriend” … oh he’s come to cuddle.. well I kind of want him… oh okay he is sleeping wonderful Im complete garbage to him he doesn’t want me… well lets lay here and think about everything wrong in my life… 💣Anxiety… Come on you can get out of this remember your breathing and your moms voice… 💣💣💣 Take your meds so you can sit here and still have your brain run while your anxiety is to a minimum. High Five see you in 5 hours!

I hate it. Even on nights that it is easier to fall asleep I end up waking up during the night. I toss and turn. Hot and Cold. Or just for the pure hell of it. Sometimes I wake up and I am in anxiety do i am imagining whatever I was dreaming about is what woke me up.

Like right now, it is 2am and I was woken up from a nightmare about tomorrow (well today now). Walking down the street and they past by me. I woke up having an anxiety attack. I immediately got out of bed and searched in the kitchen. I guess it is a good thing we have barely any food here. Came back into bed. Seduced him awake and had horrible sex. Now he is asleep and I am sitting here writing because I am in a full state of anxiety and I really just don’t know what else to do.

Every time I close my eyes, my brain races thinking about tomorrow and having to walk in north end by myself. If it was anywhere else I would have been. But no, it is north end. I have not even talked to my boyfriend about it. All night he has been asking me what is wrong. I told him nothing. He told me I was lying. Yup, but if I told him the truth I would get “Oh you’ll be fine” I just keep my mouth shut now.

Here I go to toss and turn for the next few hours!



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