That’s all she wrote…

Life has been a whirlwind of emotions for me lately. I am having a hard time getting adjusted to the new job. The people there aren’t as nice as I was told they were… or were hoping the would be. I am learning extremely quickly who I can, and can not trust.. I have already been thrown under the bus at work. Fuck them.

When I had started there, there was a younger guy that asked to take me out… Come to find out that he has a girlfriend so that was over just as quickly as it had begun.

With all of the stress that I have been going through lately my eating has spiraled out of control. I can feel the weight coming back on.. So I have started back at the gym last week. Today I signed up and attended my first Yoga class. I didn’t realize that it was Power Yoga.. It was really tough, but I didn’t do too bad. 2 of the girls gave me compliments haha. I told them all it was my first time. At the end they came up to me. One said it was amazing how flexible I was.. and the other lady said that it didn’t look like it was my first class haha. Wellll, I can barely walk now sooooo.

I got news today that my uncle is in ICU … my heart is broken. I hope that he can pull through, but I am afraid that he may not this time. He has been in and out of the hospital so much in the past couple years. But it is so sad… and my heart is breaking.

I have made up my mind to make 2019 about myself. I have closed pretty much every road to the guys I was talking to.. guys that I was supposed to hang out with.

Now is just not the time.

I want him to find me… I want to stop looking. I want to focus on myself and I want him to find me.

I have not talked to D in a long time.. I miss him. But we cannot exist anymore… not even as friends.


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December 29, 2018

Random noter, here. I’m sorry to hear that your uncle is in the ICU. Hopefully he’ll make a recovery.

Yay for getting compliments on your yoga class. I hope that exercising can help you keep the weight off, you need to feel confident about yourself.

Hopefully your job gets off to a better foot that is has been. That really sucks that you’re in an environment, where you feel like most of the people around you are fake. It, also, sounds really awkward that you’re with someone who you had to end things quickly with, because he had a girlfriend.

December 29, 2018

@justamillennial Thank you for you’re note. Yeah, I feel like they don’t want me there. I feel like they are attacking me. Funny thing is … everyone reported to my boss that I am excellent at what I do… So to me, I feel like they may feel threatened? I don’t really know.

Oh well

December 29, 2018

I’m so sorry about your Uncle.

As for the job I know what it’s like getting off to a rocky start. The first week at the job I have now was tough but I think I’m better? Who knows.

As for the guy thing? Just don’t look. The one will come find you when you least expect it. I found mine on Words with friends this past summer when I was playing and I wasn’t expecting anything. And hell I give him a run for his money half the time.

December 29, 2018

@seablue4u Thank you for your note 🙂 Yeah, I am slowly just removing them from my lives. I just need to work on myself. And yeah, I feel like they don’t want me at the job. I don’t know.

Makes me not really want to be there.

December 29, 2018

I know all too well how you feel about the people at your job. I’ve been at my hospital for 4 years and the majority of the people I work with are horrible human beings. I’ve really struggled. I keep getting the same advice to just go there, do my job, collect my paycheck and forget about them. I wish it were as easy as that. Good luck to you 🙂

December 30, 2018

@notworthmytime Same girl! I work in the OR. I am just going to not talk to anyone. Fuck them! hahaha

December 30, 2018

Saw you on the front page, sorry to hear about your Uncle… I hope he pulls through.  Never fun to be in that limbo.  Obviously would have to catch up on a few things to make any real deep comments in regards to your goals to make 2019 about you, but I do hope that does happen for you.  I know I’m going to try and trim the belly I’ve grown this year LOL

December 30, 2018

@knightwolf Thank you for your kind words. Good luck to you!