Life has been a whirlwind of emotions for me lately. I am having a hard time getting adjusted to the new job. The people there aren’t as nice as I was told they were… or were hoping the would be. I am learning extremely quickly who I can, and can not trust.. I have already been thrown under the bus at work. Fuck them.
When I had started there, there was a younger guy that asked to take me out… Come to find out that he has a girlfriend so that was over just as quickly as it had begun.
With all of the stress that I have been going through lately my eating has spiraled out of control. I can feel the weight coming back on.. So I have started back at the gym last week. Today I signed up and attended my first Yoga class. I didn’t realize that it was Power Yoga.. It was really tough, but I didn’t do too bad. 2 of the girls gave me compliments haha. I told them all it was my first time. At the end they came up to me. One said it was amazing how flexible I was.. and the other lady said that it didn’t look like it was my first class haha. Wellll, I can barely walk now sooooo.
I got news today that my uncle is in ICU … my heart is broken. I hope that he can pull through, but I am afraid that he may not this time. He has been in and out of the hospital so much in the past couple years. But it is so sad… and my heart is breaking.
I have made up my mind to make 2019 about myself. I have closed pretty much every road to the guys I was talking to.. guys that I was supposed to hang out with.
Now is just not the time.
I want him to find me… I want to stop looking. I want to focus on myself and I want him to find me.
I have not talked to D in a long time.. I miss him. But we cannot exist anymore… not even as friends.