When things are too beautiful, I smash them to pieces

It has been a month since I have texted D….

I won’t text him.. I refuse it.

I love him so much… but it isn’t doing me any good to keep hanging on to a ghost.

I had that dream about him.. Where he was saying * I only need a couple more months * …. I don’t think that I am psychic .. but at the end of the day I wish I was… I really wish that in a couple months he would come running back to me…

I just know…. he is gone..



My 3 friends from up north told me the other day that they are planning on coming down in Feb. to visit me… I AM BEYONDDDDDD excited. I was thinking that they had just forgot about me… I can’t wait to see my girls.


I was supposed to see Fuckboi this weekend.. but he was being nothing but an asshole.. So I basically told him to fuck off…. It is done. I am done with him.

I deleted his number from my phone.

I bought a FITBIT Charge 3 today… I am really going to try and make big changes in my life.. I need to take care of myself….

I will start tomorrow!

I love you guys.. than you for reading my diary and leaving kind notes.


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January 12, 2019

They say never say never but the also say don’t get your hopes up. Stick with the not texting don’t give in no matter how much you miss him. I’m glad your going to have friends around you. All the best with making healthy changes.

January 22, 2019

Big changes all at once especiaLly if your doing them all at once don’t typically work. Set realistic goals try and stay on track. Don’t change to much to fast. And remember your not a bad person, your worth more than nothing. And in the end it will be as it should be.