10/02/2013
It is getting easier. I took Nic to work this morning and we had coffee. I still miss him so much, but it’s getting easier to accept that he will still be in my life. I have had an uncontrollable fear that once he moved out that we would stop being friends and that he wouldn’t be in my life anymore. He promised to be there for me and so far he has. Nothing has changed aside from the fact that he doesn’t live here anymore. He has never let me down on a promise and I don’t know why I have been thinking differently. I guess it’s just hard for me to go back to the way things were before we moved in together. I’ve come to depend on him so much. He is my protector.
Best friend Erik called me yesterday. He finished his last round of chemo. He seemed to be in better spirits. We talked like we used to, something we haven’t done in months. He even yelled at me for not telling him all the things that were going on in my life. Everytime we would talk I would filter all the bad things out and be super positive so he wouldn’t worry and I wouldn’t make him feel anymore depressed that he already was. He said holding things back was just as bad as lying to him and that no matter what I should never be afraid to tell him anything ever. He’s such an amazing person and I’m glad that he has been my best friend for the past 14 years. I also feel a little bit relieved that he is done chemo and not feeling as depressed. I’m praying that all his tests come back positive and that he is going to be better.
Work has been super stressful this week. My GM is leaving and they haven’t found a replacement for her yet, which means that we all have to work 6 days until they find one. I’m not happy about that at all. I’m already super tired from working 6 days because we had 2 managers out the past 2 weeks. Lord knows how long it will take for them to get a replacement. I just don’t think my body can handle working insane amounts of hours. I mean we already work 50+ hours every week with a 5 day work schedule. I’m already behind on getting things done in my personal life because I’ve just been so tired. My apt is a wreck and I barely have time to get laundry done…let alone trying to spend time with my boyfriend or my family. I’ve been struggling to sleep as it is and this is just not helping any. I need a vacation!!!