oh crap, i’m writing again

I wonder if the person who hates me is upset. OOPS… YOU JUST MADE THIS “UNINTELLIGENT GARBAGE CUNT” WANT TO WRITE MORE. I guess that wasn’t the intended result since apparently I don’t know how to write, I’m a hypocritical slag with mental issues and “shit in my soul” (I don’t even know what that means, to be honest) who shouldn’t be allowed to speak. Because suddenly, my intelligence level is under scrutiny and the ability to have an opinion is based on SOMEONE ELSE’S perception or evaluation of me. Well shit, I probably shouldn’t speak at all! Or I should say everything. lol.


I don’t know why I’m even giving this time except that it amuses me. The falsehoods and stretches of thoughts that were presented as being my own when I never said anything like that, just boggles my mind. To think that me saying one thing that is then morphed and changed to the complete opposite is a great miracle of thought gymnastics, so bravo!


Anyway, I digress and move on.


Am I the perfect paragon of angelic wonder? Of course not. Am I super grammatical and precise in my online writings (especially on Facebook)… uh no, sorry. I’m not trying THAT hard and sometimes I use the dumb platform like a sounding board to get weird thoughts or things that are troubling me out. I probably shouldn’t. Thus writing here or on my blog (that nobody reads and I’m ok with that). I’m a giant mess. I have a lot of problems.


But my ability to empathize, care, reach out, support, encourage, and generally love others is quite in tact. The only difference is that now I’m selective. Not everyone should just be in my inner circle. Not everyone should even be my friend. Doesn’t matter if I’ve known them for years, sometimes there are things that must be addressed because they form a foundation of who I am… and I don’t need to compromise or feel bad for removing ppl from my life that, if I’m true to myself, are not the kind of people I can agree to disagree with.


There is also the issue of just a persons general tone and feeling… some people just have a bad energy, a sour dark poisonous energy, that I have to purge. So I’m doing it.


That might make some people upset, might make them lash out, might make them feel insecure. I’m not really sorry about those things, but I understand it. I will continue to be me. Even those people I don’t agree with or like… I want good things for them. Be happy and prosperous, live your best life. I don’t have to be involved for that to happen. I don’t have to agree with you or even like you to want you to not have a miserable existence. I have plenty of people around me now that I don’t agree with… but we meet on a plateau where sometimes I go up and sometimes I go down from where they want to go, but we still have that neutral space that allows me to determine if that person is actually someone I want in my life… even if their issues go directly against mine… and when I realize that and make that choice… it’s not me trying to hurt anyone.  IT’S ME TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.


Oops, sorry I can’t always be selfless and holy. Sometimes I’m a bitch and I think ONLY about me and … I’m not ashamed of that at all.


In the end, if you’re my friend, you know I love you. If I realize that our friendship just can’t go on, I won’t push you or punch your or try to injure you… I will walk away and hope a clean break helps. If I feel like talking can actually go somewhere, maybe I’d do that… but you can always tell someone who has gone into a mind fog that they can’t see out of. That is never a good discussion to head into… it’s just words that nobody is reading and thoughts that nobody respects. It’s easier to just walk away and not hurt someone further by trying to argue a losing battle.


Sometimes I think about telling this person all the ways they are wrong about me…. but… I’m just a garbage cunt to them so they wouldn’t even listen. It’s ok, I actually don’t think TOO much ill towards them. I think they need a hug and perhaps a stiff drink and maybe they’ll get that one day and be happy. That would be nice.


Anyway, rant over. I need to eat. Eating is good.

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