24/06/2019

So I haven’t written for a while. I’ve been in a bit of a rut and have been struggling a little to get myself out of it. On the plus side I’ve been offered a council flat which I was finally able to go and look at yesterday, and it’s nice so I should be moving in the next week. This is very exciting, although also kinda mad. I’ve been wanting to move for so long and now that it’s happening it’s difficult to process. I got a bit upset yesterday after speaking to mum, I just felt as though I didn’t really have the emotional reaction to moving, and that I’d imagined that when I finally did move it would feel more momentus etc. I think I’ve had this dumb thing of feeling as though I’m moving when the universe indicates it would be a good time to move. What I’m really starting to acknowledge now is that although I might have felt like that in the past, going forward things may not always feel quite so spiritually in tune. The stupid thing is that this move comes at a great time, after last year it’s such a positive thing to happen now and I appreciate that. I think I’m just not 100% about the flat itself, although realistically I’m about 80% sure. Problem is with council flats is that I’ll only have one option left if I turn this down and the flat then may not be as nice. So it’s likely I’d never find the perfect place. Aargh that fcking word- perfect- this is the word that’s been screwing my in the ass for the last year.. I’ll get over it.

The flat is really nice, just my fricking mother has put in her ten cents about it not being as close to a shop as where I am now is, lol but I’m not letting her stresses bother me too much. It’s decent sized, and the support worker I went with said it was nice sized for a council property. I am excited, I guess just nervous as well. Felt a bit shit yesterday but better this morning so what can you do hey?

Met up with an old friend of mine at the weekend, and his fiance who I was meeting for the first time. Luckily we got on as otherwise that could have been a little awkward. We actually ended up having alcohol fuelled sex which was great, lol and much needed on my end, but extremely random. It was nice though, just getting messed up and having fun for what felt like the first time in a really long time.

Anyway, may write again in a bit.