30/01/2021

I always used to say to N, turns your tears to flames. I used to think it was better being angry than being sad, or not that it was necessarily better just that she seemed to struggle more than I did. At the moment i’m in a serious rut, but I was just thinking, a large part of it all is, I’ve been seriously angry for a while. I think for some time I was angry, but just because things seemed so, very, difficult. Now I think it’s like I tried so hard for such a long time and then it fell apart, and I’m still trying now and I better have been paranoid about my rents making a comment about me not putting in any effort because they can FUCK OFF. I know the truth it they don’t know how to put in effort, not real effort when all you want to do is drink yourself into a hole and you don’t. That’s real strength. But I’ve been in a rut where the easy stuff it hard, I’m coming out of that now. Lol will bust my gut again.

But anyway.. tomorrow will be good.

Random rant.