I have such fond memories of this site. I just recently found and read the printouts of my old OD and WOW I was a nightmare asshole in highschool. No more than any other highschooler I think, but still. Its a bit embarrassing how deep I thought I was, when in actuality the only deep thing was my eternal suffering. When you’re a teenager you feel things THE MOST. It is terrible. Maybe not universally though. Maybe the people who really shine in highschool and cling to those memories are that way because they felt as happy and fulfilled as I felt depressed.
I regret not writing more often. I regret not keeping a diary through my twenties. There are mundane moments that are gone forever because brains just can’t hold onto every little thing and I wish I had thought of that back in the day. But you don’t know what growing old is going to be like until one day you wake up and your back is hurting and you realize you can’t remember anything of significance that happened in the past several years. Everything blurs together and has less meaning if you don’t take the time to sit down and give it meaning.
I’m not that old, but I’m no longer young. I finally understand the sentiment of that super annoying phrase, “youth is wasted on the young.” Which, UGH, is not a fun thought.
All this to say, I’m going to try this shit out again.