42!

I finally went to the fertility clinic again to start cycle monitoring. It’s complicated, I had to keep explaining why I don’t have periods anymore and that I am freezing eggs and eventually using a surrogate. It seems like a long story with every tech I have to explain it to. Mostly they are fine though. I figured out where to sign up for an ultrasound, blood test, and my doctor, and it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. I took a number for the ultrasound and I got 42! My ex saw it on social media cause I blab about everything on social media and was like “Life, The Universe, and Everything!” and said it was a good sign. Ha ha I didn’t even get that reference when I first posted it.

I was lucky that my foot is healed enough to go in a stirrup for ultrasounds without the boot. I was worried about it, but it didn’t hurt. I had a really painful vaginal ultrasound though, like she really fucking prodded around in there! She kept saying something wasn’t clear, I’ve got a massive fibroid which is probably a big reason why. But anyway, she counted my follicles and did some other stuff, then I got a blood test.

Then the doctor came to see me and said the blood screening they had done on me was mostly fine, I’m not immune to Hep B tho, so he advised me to go finish my course of vaccines. He also said I had elevated prolactin which meant there might be a growth on my pituitary gland. They can resolve it with some medication tho, but I need an MRI. What a drag! That means I’d need to get spacers for my piercings again. It’s really like, NO GOOD to have piercings and do an MRI. Gah!

Anyway, they didn’t have my hormone levels back yet from the blood test, so he sent me home and said they would call and let me know when I need to come back to do this again. It’s hard figuring out where I am in my cycle because I have no periods. So we’ll see. I hope I can start getting stimulated hormonally soon so we can do this IVF cycle and I can take a short break before the next one.

I was glad they were able to do everything so fast. SO FAST! They’ve got it down to a science! It’s weird seeing all the other mainly women in the fertility clinic, like we all know why we are there. And there’s this feeling of sort of nervous hope and also not wanting to be TOO hopeful and they post baby pictures everywhere from all the babies they helped make.

I had a good day otherwise. Didn’t text Jessie and she didn’t text me. Sometimes I have wild thoughts of wanting to confront her, but then I think about what a waste of energy that would be and how she wouldn’t own up to her part of this at all anyway. And we do have to work together.

I did some writing on something I am super behind on on delivering. I think I might be able to get it done soon. I didn’t even dig that deep into it, but I made necessary changes and already it looks better. I feel so guilty for being so busy and taking so long. I think breaking my foot really fucked me over, I couldn’t do any work the first week because I was so distressed, except for when I did that shoot and sat a lot. It’s a bummer.

I am noticing I am getting stronger though. Yesterday I was able to do my own laundry. And today I was able to wash my own floor. I tried walking two blocks to a nearby street for a meeting, but it was too far, and when I came home I had a sore on my leg. I’m bummed about it. I really hope it heals up soon, I’m gonna start wearing higher cast socks for a while and see if it helps. I only have one cast sock, but I don’t think it’s high enough.

I can feel where my bone was broken that there’s a callus there, it bulges anyway, and it’s hard. But that supposed to be a normal part of healing, and it’s going to go back to normal when my bone is in the remodelling stage. My foot feels a little weird sometimes, like I know the muscles in it are really weak right now because I haven’t moved them a lot.