I’m only about week 9 into my Invisalign treatment. Maybe week 10? I don’t know, but I’m finally noticing changes. I took some selfies today of my dog and I because he’s old and I try to take pictures of him and I. But anyway, I noticed while I was taking it that my smile is changing. And that actually I feel more confident even smiling. For the longest time I was super self conscious of what my teeth looked like. I was bullied when I was a kid for having an overbite because children are awful, and then I got braces, and then my teeth shifted over time back to the way they were. Not AS bad, but you know, bad. It was getting hard for me to close my lips over my teeth. And definitely the first couple of trays I had with Invisalign, it was even HARDER to completely close my lips over my teeth because the trays added bulk, and it made me feel even more awkward. But yeah, today I was sitting around and realized my lips were closed without me even having to think about it.
My Mom noticed changes in my smile from selfies I was posting in Australia. And there is one selfie, I don’t know what it is, but I actually looked really good.
I was talking about this with my Mom today because I got excited when I noticed how my smile is today, and she was like “Awww but you are supposed to love yourself even with crooked teeth!” And I was like “I did, but I love myself even more with straight teeth!” ha ha geez. I don’t know but it’s definitely a confidence booster. I feel like, I dunno, I can tell I am a bit cuter when I look at pics of myself.
I think I am also still losing weight. And yet apparently I only lost a pound since April. But still it seems that fat has been disappearing, I hope it’s being replaced with muscle which would make this make sense. I have a lot less fat under my chin, and on my neck, and on my face. My stomach is still round, and like whatever, that’s what most people’s stomachs are like. But I feel good about losing some of that fat around my head and neck. And my arms and thighs are thinner. I dunno.
I haven’t been to boxing class since I broke my foot. I’m still bummed about that, I know I’m not ready to do footwork yet. But I do want to go back in the new year. It was such a great work out and helping me get in touch with my body. And letting me work out my aggression in a safe way was good for my mental health. And the queer girls who go there are like, also a bonus obviously. It’s a million times better for me than yoga. I mean maybe not. I just really liked it.
So I’m excited to go back when I come home from Christmas with my family. I’m glad about that.
A big government organization here might hire me to make a short video. I’m going to be having a short phone meeting to talk about it again tomorrow, I am hoping it goes through. I’m on a roll career wise and it’s nice.
I went for dinner with my friend Alice tonight and we visited and talked about dates and things that fucked up. I had been telling her about Jessie on and off for the whole last year. So I tried to give the run down on the last terrible events. Just how she got so angry about me asking her boundaries and insinuating she had feelings. And this sort of weird back and forth, and then her very last angry email trying to make me apologize for having feelings for her. AND THEN the weird fucked up behaviour she had when I last saw her where she was trying to be all friendly and sweet and even kind of cute. And just how frustrating it all was. Alice thought she was playing games with me. I mean it is weird, she says we are friends but doesn’t want to communicate with me. That doesn’t even make any sense. I guess that’s her boundary which is fine, but it doesn’t jive with the way she comes up to me in public and tries to act like we are still buddies. That really fucked me up. It would have been okay I guess, but then she hugged me goodbye the last time I saw her and kind of melted into me like she loved me and then I was really like, confused and horny and baffled and just irritated.
I also told her about Flippy Top and how she bailed after seeing my film and said she was too anxious for a second date. Alice thought she was intimidated. That fucking sucks though. I don’t know, I worry I won’t find someone who can handle me and my career. And it sounds so snotty. But it’s true.
I have this ex who is something of an LGBTQ celebrity, she’s super cute and smart and her work is really well received and she gets good press and has a good job. ANYWAY she and I were talking this summer, because she has a wife but is also poly and wants to have flirty flings with others. But she says she gets stalked a lot by people she tries to hook up with. So she’s made this rule where she only sleeps with people at the same or higher level of queer fame. It’s a good fucking rule, although honestly there are not a bazillion queer celebrities. Like imagine how small the queer community is, then imagine only dating queers who are high profile, OH GOD and then she and I are also kinky people which cuts down the pool of dates even more! Anyway, I don’t really want to believe this rule needs to be applied to my dating life, and yet maybe it does.
Snotty snotty ha ha.
I’m not trying to think about dating though, I just want to get out more and if someone decides to pursue me that would be nice for a change. I mean unless they were irritating.
But mostly I’m starting to feel more confident with how I look and with my career. And I guess that is something. Hopefully that confidence translates into someone actually wanting to go on more than a first date with me.
And I know it’s so fucking petty but I hope Jessie someday regrets how she treated me!