Reservations

So I have had a good day today. I found out we got the other half of our funding for my travel grant, which paid for my friend to come with me. So that’s good, she and I will both get some money back. I took my dogs to the pet store so my girl dog could get a new collar, but she wanted to beat everyone up. This is an ongoing issue with her. She’s so little and cute too but damn she acts like she’s gonna go for the jugular with everyone she doesn’t know! She did end up with a cute new collar tho, it has pineapples on it.

I went to the dentist and she’s happy with my Invisalign progress. We have three more trays and then she does an impression to make sure my teeth are where they need to be before they get the rest of the trays. YAY! And I don’t have to make another payment until closer to the end of my treatment.

I had some work emails with the festival, and Jessie was bringing up some important points, and one of our potential artists was too expensive to work with, so Mutual Friend was asking for names for some other people we could work with. So I suggested like, three artists, and Jessie actually liked the idea of one of them doing it. Which is nice. I notice she is very encouraging at whatever I contribute to our collective. It’s sweet. I kind of know this is like, the only link we have with each other right now besides social media, so it seems like she’s trying to make sure I know she still wants me to be involved and doesn’t have bad feelings for me.

And there was a short period when I was seriously thinking of leaving the collective and not working with this festival anymore. I was so sad, and felt so upset, and didn’t know what to do about Jessie. It felt really close to me throwing in the towel. But I hung on through the festival and it doesn’t seem so bad from this viewpoint now with more time that has passed. And we have been gentle, if reserved, with each other. I mean her last personal email to me however many weeks ago wasn’t very nice. But it seems like we’ve been able to put it aside for work reasons.

I dunno. I still feel like if anything was gonna get mended between us, she would need to make the first moves on that. I really don’t want to try reaching out and get rejected even as a friend again. I miss her though. And sometimes I think she misses me. But I don’t want to approach her assuming we both miss each other and have her turn it on me again and make out like all these things are all in my head.

I don’t know about that butch I went on a date with last night. I feel more of a friend vibe from her, than a romantic one. I can’t help it, I am just not attracted to butches. And I don’t know how to flirt with them. And I don’t think of them in a sexy way. But I WOULD like another butch buddy. I mean yeah maybe Femmes do play games, or maybe I just chased all the wrong Femmes. Maybe I’ll just leave this and not think about it much until I get back to town in January.

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4 days ago

Maybe this thing with Jessie and that butch girl will turn out?  Jessie could be a work friend where you go for lunch and talk business?  And this Butch girl could become the best friend you could have?

4 days ago

Pineapple collar sounds cute!

That sucks that there was no spark w/butch. But- maybe you were meant to just meet to be friends. Maybe that friendship will lead you to meet your true partner.

4 days ago

@cherrywine_1 Yes! That would be nice, we’ll see!