Tino Bernard in his Lakeshore Cape Cod

I can’t figure out why it is called Lakeshore. It’s not near any lakes. There are no shores nearby. Lake. Shore. Lakeshore. What, were all the good names taken?

A few years ago my buddy Tino bought a place there. He was moving in from the Muskokas, “tired of the drive”, he said.  So now instead of a rancher on a country hill, he lives in a Cape Cod, in a blue collar neighbourhood two blocks away from the high school.

Near me too.

And it’s nice having friends near. He was my first friend when I parachuted behind enemy lines at my last real job, a job of roiling skirmishes and dogfights. A job where I found myself and a leggy brunette fighting corporate nazis, conmen, low-level criminals and eventually each other.

I left.

She’s still there. Crazylegs. Hotter than a warm slipper.

We happened to meet at a local coffee place a couple years ago now and from what she told me, nothing much had changed — except for most of the players. More dead soldiers, chewed up and spit out.

But she’s still there. Not top dog, but certainly a junk yard dog and I mean that in the very best way possible.

But back to Tino, sitting there in his Lakeshore Cape Cod, now retired, pushed out with a healthy severance. Tino tells an interesting story about a time when he was checking into a motel outside of Kingston. He used to be a roving photographer of some kind with a large territory, two ex-wives and a drinking problem. He was checking in and the clerk said. “Didn’t you just check out?”

“No, I just got here.”

They looked at the register and another Tino Bernard had just checked out and left. The way my Tino tells it, there was still a dust cloud in the parking lot. Seems there were two Tino Bernards in the Kingston vicinity that day.

Not much of story, I know.

But get this, the other Tino Bernard doesn’t even know it.

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February 14, 2018


February 14, 2018

I’m flattered

February 14, 2018

@redplasticactionhero Thank you. It was your one liner that got me started thinking about my old buddy Tino.

February 14, 2018

Does he really live two blocks away from a high school?

I have a lot in common with this guy including 2 ex wives.

”Hotter than a warm slipper”. Why I can’t I write like this? I’m aroused.

February 14, 2018

@redplasticactionhero It’s interesting that you live two blocks from a high school. How is that relevant to someone with no kids? It is a curious detail. It got me thinking. That’s as good as “hotter than a warm slipper”. Tino used to live in a humble 1000 sq ft bungalow which is why the cape cod comment got me started thinking about him. He had two ex-wives and was a photographer with a territory taking pictures for school boards…if I had a best friend I suppose it would be him, but I don’t so theres that.

February 14, 2018

@d-_-b is not having not having kids and living close to a school a thing? It’s just relevant to the detail of my own personal story. There’s plenty of kids in my neighborhood. I know because there’s a daily parade of them walking in front of my house. That’s not even counting the organized parades with uniforms, horns and drums. Sure beats having a stranger point a gun at you for no reason, which happened at my last residence and helped percipitate the move into my current residence.

However, none of that sounds as exciting as fighting corporate nazis with a leggy brunette, even if may not have been…

February 16, 2018

I used to be a Canadian. School in a ship building town on Georgian Bay and then the soft life where the grapes for ice wine grow.

February 16, 2018

@ipsofacto I know the first one well and the second one better.