I’ll say a little prayer 4 U

Dear Jesus,

today I’m feeling so great! I am learning so much about myself. Plus, for a girl that works nearly 7 days a week-resting in my apartment makes me feel SOOOOOOO HAPPPPPPYYYYYY!!!!!!! I love doing NOTHING!!!! I’m home with my girls-the cast of SEX IN THE CITY…mixed with a little bit of RHOB…honestly I’m just so happy!

today the picture on my phone when the screen locked changed by mistake…but I let it stay. It’s a picture of a beautiful tan, blonde girl in her twenties that had the text across it that said: all I care about is being hot, getting money, and what my next meal is….

it may sound superficial-but describes me perfectly at this moment…ALL I DO CARE ABOUT IS BEING HOT, GETTING MONEY, & WHAT MY NEXT MEAL IS!! The only thing that’s missing from that statement is: making sure I’m living according to Your will!!!! I love talking to you Jesus! You truly make me so happy.

now don’t get me wrong, I don’t favor those type of people who are Christians that judge or make knowing You a reason to act higher than thou. I hate to say this even more…but Patrice loves you and she did sooo much evil to me. Miss Mack calls herself a deacon and she gossiped alllll the time and used to wear tshirts with scriptures on them but had no problem discussing how her husband likes to leave her pussy beaten like a swollen tomato-on school grounds!! It was said by her on “professional day” at school- to make matters worse! And one pastor got me drunk and put his hand down my bra while I was sleeping! Or the last pastor who I stopped talking to said: maybe I haven’t made it yet because I’m not serving You by singing in his church or doing Christian music…or a church goer who told me that my voice should only be used for Gospel music and how I can’t do BOTH! And not to forget  how the girl who ran the Christian singing choir kicked me  out of the church choir because I didn’t talk to her and her husband enough!!! Or the gay choir directors who said I was not allowed back to sing because my dress was too tight….but at the time, it was the same dress a girl from the Disney channel wore during an interview…at the knees and 3/4 quarter length sleeves!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

I know I must love alllllll people…even my enemies…but (dayum) – those type of people exhaust me! My relationship with You is all I need. I love watching Lakewood Church…and I know that church is a bunch of people, well I’m not going to say it…but it’s hard to deny that Joel Osteen is anointed. He’s the only pastor that really speaks to me. I’ve been listening to his messages forever…as a child I was listening to his father preach-John Osteen…and Lisa Comes…she’s the aunt I wish I could call on the phone from time to time. At least I have Sister Renee. She is someone who is genuine. I envisioned traveling with her. I hope that comes to fruition…I want her to always be at my side to help me stay in the word and pray with me. Which reminds me….encourage ministry is an online prayer ministry she has that’s about to start!

…I get bored during online prayer meetings. My mom has a prayer meeting every Thursday….i don’t learn much from it but I still attend to show support…same with sister Renee. Right now, they are singing online with terrible audio but the stage is pretty to look at & I enjoy seeing her praising You online and sharing the message…

right now I’d like to pray for Mr. Harry. I pray that he will have favor when he speaks to Miss Debra. I pray that Miss Debra will get back on the regular schedule again. I pray that she will remember and do the right thing and give me my regular schedule back.

I pray for good news to come.

by the way, I’ve been listening to the prayer ministry online. I sure do love the people, but it honestly does not fill me up. Pastor Coes was mentioning how we cannot be blessed if we still live in sin and do not fellowship in the church. I felt like he directed it toward me because right after, he mentioned my name and included my prayers request. This was the same pastor who said maybe I’m not being blessed because I’m not serving in church…but I am…just not in his church anymore. I must go where I’m fed spiritually. And I do not feel bad about that. I know what my path is with God and I do not need to be judged for it.

I feel so much clarity now since I stopped smoking weed. I never want to go back! I can hear God more…truly I do! My prayers are answered so much quicker now-sometimes within hours. My mom and sister believe in The Secret and Manifesting…but to me, that’s just an alternative to saying to have faith and know God is working….

they believe in You too…and they pray…but I don’t care to manifest or listen to The Secret…I rather just talk/pray/praise you….throughout all my ups and downs…from now on.

Please help me give myself Grace. It’s already past 1pm and I feel EXHAUSTED. I wrote a whole list of things to do…I haven’t started anything yet. I’m going to try to get started within the next 3 hours. Maybe two. First, I want to eat and watch my shows and lay down some more. After all, I did just had surgery only 4 days ago….

im not sure why I can’t work out or be in the sauna…the bath thing I understand …to avoid sitting in bacteria…but I wish I could just move around to get my blood circulating….but I will listen to the doctor.

In 3.5 hours, I took a shower, did some skin care, prayed and listened to an online ministry. It’s not much…but I’m getting there.

oh how I wish I could have an easier life. The kind where I wake up and a chef already meal prepped for me. How I wish I could go to my backyard and take a morning swim. How I wish I could wake up and visit my goats, chickens and horses…but I know those all come with bills, vet fees, and dealing with responsibilities….my life is very simple now, and I appreciate it.

i may not have all those things…but You give me peace. I must go put ointment on my wounds now. I can feel them hurting me. I pray for a speedy recovery in Jesus name. Amen.

and Jesus, one more thing, please help me get all of my tasks completed in a timely matter…and please help Mr. Harry figure out a solution to get me off every other weekend that match what I already have on my calendar …amen.