Trying times

i tried to quit smoking but then I had a craving 24 hours later. So I made a new vow, don’t buy any more weed. So I started smoking socially….I ended up driving a total of 20 miles just to smoke with a male friend who later send me a sexual text. I also spent money on dinner twice cuz I was so hungry from the munchies…I went to Wendy’s and then drove to subway right afterwards!

Then last night, I had sex with a guy who sells weed. This was our second time having sex. I first met him at the convenience store. Both times together have been really good. He’s five years younger than me and had the perfect body. We had sex probably all night and I felt like his prostitute. He’s reslly well endowed so when he was hitting it from behind, I could see our shadow and his dick had a shadow of its own. We had unprotected sex and I was hoping that if spirit ties were real then I’d get some more youth, drive and energy back into me.

Today is Sunday & I really wish to go to church. I’ll most likely go to evening service but I need prayer so I may go earlier. I need prayer for direction and the strength and determination to carry out my goals. I’m tired from all the struggle I’ve faced but I’m not willing to give up.

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