I’m anxious. I’m an inside pet and don’t like people much outside of my job and close friends. So this should be heaven right? Only I have a 2 year old. Today was….trying. Chewing on electrical cords, dumping cups of lemonade over her head Not 10 minute after she finished her bath, and trying to jump/ fly off tall objects. And the meltdowns every time she didn’t get her way. I know she’s 2. I know this is normal. James was amazing and stepped completely in the parent role after he got out of work so I could take a breather. But it’s so draining.
So, I’m anxious. I want to eat all the starch in the house. I’m not sleeping well. My stomach hurts. I want to go back to work. But I don’t want to expose my family or be separated from them. What if we already have it? I want to go out on a date with out my precious child. I want my parents to be able to see her. I want my in-laws to be able to laugh and take her on adventures.
I want to curl up in bed with a book, and read until I forget about the world and then pass out and sleep for 24 hours uninterrupted. After amazing sex. Which I cannot have with a child in the house that wakes up at the most inconvenient times.
I want to kick my husband out of the house to go hang out with friends. I want to go spend time with my friends and get my hair done. I want to ignore my stupid family members because they’re all anxious too and I don’t really want to talk to them.
I know that I am blessed. My husband is still working. I don’t need my job financially. My family is healthy and safe. We have food and can pay our bills. Yet, I’ve started to cry at random stupid things.
so I will continue to read as much as I can. And hug and color, and play with my baby girl. Have a drink with my husband and try and connect with my friends who understand…. and pray for a time when we can leave our house safely again.