Most things in life (well, my life) can be related to a Spongebob episode. So, when dealing with work bullshit lately, one episode popped into my head. The one where Patrick decides to be Spongebob’s doctor called “The Suds”. This episode in particular stood out because clearly, Patrick is not a doctor. He tries all kinds of silly things to cure Spongebob but none of them work. This is TOTALLY my workplace. Not crapping on nurses (because I am one) but nurses are NOT doctors! Most of my colleagues think they are doctors and write all kinds of orders that do not make a lick of sense. Nurses are NOT to diagnose people either. I get my real bitch face on really fast when someone asks me what they have and I won’t answer them…. then they proceed to tell me what a terrible nurse I must be because I won’t tell them what they have. I can give you a list of things it possibly could be, but I’m not going to say, “yup, you have a pimple” and then have it turn out to be shingles. My coworkers would say that you’re dying if it would boost their ego. I have also been finding that other nurses where I work give out medication that is not ordered. Granted, it is all things you could go buy at Walmart because you obviously need a prescription for anything else. Still, when anyone is in a facility we are to have the doctor approve EVERY medication….. even if you wanted a cough drop. Don’t like it people?- then go home! I don’t work in a jail, I work in a skilled nursing facility. My asshole patients are always threatening to leave if they don’t get their way. I’m not chaining you here, sign yourself out! The ones who make my workplace a living hell usually have no medical reason to be in my facility. So, between my asshole patients and nurses (all the dumb ones too, mind you) pretending to be physicians I am at my wits’ end. Luckily, I have some time off from work. Most people take time off in the summer but not me. I wait until the end of the year every time. No more:
“Nurse, I need my pain medication”
“Nurse, I spilled my urinal because although I can walk I’m too lazy to get up to use the restroom”
Patient: “Nurse, I want you to call my doctor right now! I have a complaint!” Me: “No, we are not doing that. It is 3am and the doctor was just here today. Besides, a complaint is not an emergency and we only call in the middle of the night for emergencies.” Patient: “Well, what DO you consider an emergency then?” Me: “Not this…..”
*ringing phone* Me: “Hello?” Dispatcher: “Um yes. We just had someone from your facility call 911, but the call didn’t make much sense. Is anyone in distress?” Me: “No, everyone is fine. I’ll go look for the culprit. Sorry…..”
Well, at least no more of that for now. Yay! I’m super nice at work too. I try to be friendly and smiley and MUST be cautious…. because my assholes will try to get anyone in trouble in a heartbeat. One patient asked me if I ever cursed and I’m thinking to myself, “Yes, all the time….. in my head…..at you people”. No more suppressing my snarkiness for the time being.
I already had a very nice Thanksgiving. I love spending time with my family. Had so much good food! And now it’s the Christmas season which I love in general. But, like with most things now days, idiots have to ruin that too. So many people get robbed this time of year. People crowd the stores and make shopping way less enjoyable for me. Everyone is just so rude! I get ran into, hit with shopping carts- and no one says sorry or excuse me! Once again like Spongebob says, “Don’t be a jerk, it’s Christmas!” I guess I love Christmas because I love giving people presents. I like giving presents more than getting them. I usually buy a few presents for patients at work but damn, they are all such assholes this year I really can’t bring myself to do it! It sounds terrible but when you act like an entitled fuckface…. I don’t really like or feel sorry for you! We used to have nice patients who would ask for something simple- pajamas, good smelling soap, body spray. These people now would probably want gift cards. So yeah, not getting anyone at work anything. I’ll probably buy a few toys and drop those in a donation box for kids.
For my time off, I’d like to: Get some baking done, play the new Pokemon game, and workout (the guns are looking less impressive). Also, me and the hubby plan to watch all our Christmas movies. I wish there were more horror Christmas movies because I’m a horror chick. Black Christmas is kind of lame but I’ll watch it. Hopefully I can just kick back and the hubby will behave himself for my time off.
At least Patrick is cute when he plays doctor. My coworkers, not so much.