2021/10/10

Suddenly I wanted to write about women. It might become a novel I thought. Once I loved a woman and had a sick, then I wrote about that thing as a novel because some people recommended doing so. It produced a strange novel (but I like it). So, I started writing that novel with writing about John Lennon’s evergreen song “Woman”. Who are women? I forget the difference between men and women, and I also forget that we look at the different worlds. I tried to write about these things.

The title of that novel became “There She Goes”. I took these words from my favorite musician Seiji Toda’s album. I want to talk about the women who stand by me. My mother, three women I loved, the person who bullied me, another person who recommended me writing in English… I want to enjoy writing. I can’t feel love as a real thing, so I have never fallen in love. I want to write it. I want to write why I was attracted by the depressing novel “Norwegian Wood”. I am not interested in romances or love songs… I want to write all of these things.

I still read Yoshio Kataoka’s “Outside of Japanese”. Nowadays I don’t want to watch movies because of unknown reasons. So in the night, I read Yoshio Kataoka. In the book, the characteristic point of English which some Japanese people spoke is written with critical analyses. My English might be very weird English… I thought so. Am I thinking in English? Or in Japanese? Once a person said this impressive comment. “Your talking sounds like the direct translation from English!”. If I use English, I can make jokes so exactly I can speak easily.

I talked with a Chinese female friend on WeChat again. By the way, I have many female friends. I can’t imagine this because I was once hated completely by girls. They say I’m a nice person, but it’s because they are so nice (or too nice) to me. It’s so strange. How do they think about me? I am such a “masculine” person. I’m “ecchi” (a pervert) and rude. There are no essences in me that attract women. How do they think about me? It goes beyond my imagination.