2021/10/13

Today was a day off. In the morning, I read Souseki Natsume’s essays again. “The things I remember” and “Inside the glass door”. Souseki was a very sensitive person and also thought various things very honestly. In his essay, a woman cries because she loses the memory of her lost love, which was truly sad but fulfilling as time passing. Souseki says that time itself is the thing to cure her wound of mind. Time… Yes, I also had experienced various cruel things but I don’t feel that it was not completely bad things, maybe it was far from now and time had already flown enough. So in a way, it might be the truth.

In the afternoon I went to the temple nearby my group home for attending the offline meetings we have once a month. We talked about various things. I talked about the things I think recently as usual. For example, if a natural disaster happens, people often do some volunteer activities. But it means that we do some reactions as our body or mind moves or reacts before our head thinks as “Oh, I want to help them!”. This might be the same as I react and touch the things in the office and make my mood uplifting as moving my body automatically. This opinion seems easy to understand for other members. So I was glad.

At that meeting, a friend of mine who is an ex-hikikomori person also attended. He doesn’t show his opinions positively but is trying to help hikikomori people in various ways. He is doing the things he only can. It might be the same as me. I have the things I only can do… What are they? It might be to share the things I learn from these meetings in English with the world… No, this question is wrong. I should not ask the meaning or the purpose, but only move my body automatically and do activity naturally. That might be important.

In the night, I read Syohei Ohoka’s “Seijyo Press” more. I can see the finish. Music, manga, movies, politics, and of course, literature… Syohei Ohoka touches and learns from various things as his curiosity works. And he thinks deeply… It is quite wonderful and I can’t imagine he is already in his 70s. His style of thinking is very soft and he doesn’t stay in his comfort zone stubbornly. It is different that he doesn’t have his opinions. This must be intelligence. Meanwhile, I choose the things I want to watch and read, so I am still too young. Too early… I might think that I can’t feel this myself as a mature person.