Infertility Journey

Bare with me, this will be a long one. If you aren’t a woman, this one isn’t for you. Men struggle with infertility as well; but the things I will be talking’ll need a uterus. And if you are just curious, then go ahead and read.

•this mentions PCOS(polycystic ovaries) and endometriosis. So, here we go.

My name is Ashley. I am 24 years old, and am struggling with infertility. I was diagnosed with endo and pcos at 16; when I had a laparoscopic surgery. The dr ‘cleaned up’ the endo and I haven’t had one since. So when I was 19 I was actively trying to get pregnant. Well, months went by and then years. I was on medication to induce ovulation but they never worked. Feb.2021 it did! But I didn’t get pregnant. (First time I have ever ovulated in my life!) I am now seeing a fertility doctor who specializes in these type of things. If you aren’t already, ask for one. There is only so much a Gyno or family doctor can do. Usually they don’t know enough about infertility to help. Anyways, I have been seeing the fertility doctor since june 2021. I had a sonogram done,(liquid through your cervix up into your tubes etc) and found out only one of my tubes are open. My right. The dr figures maybe this is why I didnt get pregnant in feb, and then tells me my ovaries are full of embyros. Pcos confirmed yet again. So, now i have blood tests done. Track my cycles, induce periods and start medications all over again. Not only is this journey heart breaking; but the $! Wow. I will do whatever I need to but it is very stressful. Now i take an oral med, and then an injection to force out my follicle(s) when they reach a certain size. I ovulated again Nov 2021! I was so hopeful and prepared to give my fiance a child. Well, its now Dec 2 and guess who showed up? Aunt flo’s ugly face. I cried. Im angry, im frustrated and everything beyond. They really do mean it when they say ‘journey’. I had to delete my social media so I would stop seeing posts of babies, announcement’s and so on. Maybe it is just jealousy, but I am heartbroken. Yet again another month waiting to test medication again. Yet again another month of not feeling like a ‘proper’ woman. Why don’t my organs work? Id make the best mother. Why is it so easy for bad people to have children? Ill never not question. And by bad I mean drug users and such. I can’t even count how many ‘parents’ I know that should have never gotten that chance. Poor babies😔 Maybe it’s because i grew up with an addict parent, maybe it’s because i wasn’t loved enough as a child. But this isn’t about my past, this is about my FUTURE. I have never wanted to be anything as much as I wanted to be a mother. And yes, ‘my time will come’ but can you just shut up for a second? Imagine you were sick. Constantly, and couldn’t get better unless you tested all these medications and hoped for the best. It’s almost like that, but in reality I cant even compare it to anything else. Lots of woman feel this way or worse. I would never wish infertility on anyone; but it does get to me when they are blessed with a child and have better things to do instead of be a parent. Hearing the words ‘it takes time; you’re so young it will happen; trust the process; you could always adopt’ … ok Karen,  not everyone has a perfect body like you. I know these people mean well but id much rather you be there for me then give input. Honestly, just don’t speak..LISTEN. I have never saw those 2 pink lines.. not even faint. All I want is a family with the man I love. To give my mom and step dad grand babies, and my in laws. I wasn’t brought up religious, but I pray every night. Pray God heard me and hope he does have a plan for me. I have become obsessed with anything baby; I could almost become a fashion diva for nurseries /announcements 😆 lol. This has really taken a toll on my mental health; and giving up is not an option. I WILL beat infertility & I WILL become a mother. Hoping my heart wont be broken for much longer.

Thanks for reading, and if you are going through infertility…. YOU GOT THIS MAMA. ❤️🤞🏻🌈 baby dust .

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December 3, 2021

Keep trying! Don’t give up Ashley!! I am Sammy btw. 🙂