Please don’t mistaken I love being Mom. Sometimes it is the only reason I wake in the morning is because I know I need to take care of him. However if I let it my anxiety could kill me. For example yesterday was his yearly check up and I don’t know what but it hit me like a Mack truck, what if something was wrong with him. The worse case scenario kept running through my head bring me to tears. Of course the appointment went fine he does need to go back because he was congested from allergies and needs to re take the hearing test. Other then that the Doctor said he was perfect. That little guy makes my heart swell I almost can’t take it.
Sometimes I wished we lived in some remote cabin in the woods near a stream away from all the craziness in the world. Then I think about the Swiss Family Robinson and how as they get older they need more. This world just scares me. If it was just me bring it on however in taking care of a little person I just want to bolt the doors and never let anyone out or in. I know that’s crazy and I fight the urge every day. I mean I have gotten to the point where I know have my groceries delivered. How crazy is that. I use to pick them up but then some random person not an employee started loading my car and freaked me out. How on Earth when anyone think that was ok during these times. When I got home I Lysol everything…
Then my eldest stepson I hate when he isn’t home with us. He has us worried his mom wants to take him to Michgan to see family and snow. She keeps threating she is going to make him drive…. He has hardly booked any practice time. So my husband and I are going to do our best but he acts like he doesn’t even want to learn…. And the last time she took him up there she didn’t come back for months. My husband missed out on a lot (First steps, etc…)
Then speaking of Mom, my mother wants to do a family game night with her brother… However she is worried with how my youngest will act. I told her last time they were so loud it scared him so he will be shy. Well she doesn’t want that she wants him to be his happy self (to show off her Grandson…) I told her not to expect much as they are strangers to him. So she is in a tizzy. I would rather not go then try to put on a show for her so she can show him off. My Uncle’s kids have pretty much told him they aren’t having kids so… Which I feel bad for him he would have made a great Grandpa.
I am just a mixed bag of emotions and allergies are kicking my butt. I was never this bad before until I had the little one. Now I feel like the coughing alone is going to break my back…. Oh well, more later!