102818 pt II

To be honest, I don’t recall ever taking so long to learn new words. I’m not sure what the hold up is.

My mind hasn’t functioned the same ever since the psychotic break. It’s easier to mix things up now. Scenarios become interchangeable. My dream scape has changed as well.  There’s a narrative now that didn’t used to be there, where there used to just be vivid images.

With the increased stress from grad school, I’ve noticed that in my dreams I can now read. I read actual words in letters, applications, notepads; I see signatures that don’t look anything like my own. I read notes that I didn’t draw but that capture my ideas. It’s very odd.

What’s more, the colors in my dreams have changed. I used to see vivid colors– So real, crisp, and far more beautiful than reality’s. Now they’re all tinged in hues; I noticed it became this way ever since I became afraid of my own mind.

I blurred reality and fantasy during that time in my life; I can’t tell you what the current events would have been because I was oblivious to it. Yet walking through the halls between classes I felt like I could feel everything; vibrations, energy, emotions, colors.

It’s all been said and done, and it’s passed.

But I’m sad that I’m not as accurate and precise as I used to be. I miss the logical/internal flow where everything I said and thought remained true for years because what I didn’t know I didn’t ever mix up with other things.

And words, learning them, it never took as long as it does now.

Maybe I’m just getting old.

The bright side is that I’ve finally completed all my common words and can thus move onto the basic ones.

YAY.

I know, “common words.” Isn’t that terrible.