102918 pt II

Honestly, I think my boss wants to hire her friend. She told me a year ago that her friend was graduating this fall, and she wanted to offer a position to her friend who is from the same country as her. I think she’s probably shifting people around like on a chessboard. I recall in the very beginning when she said not to expect to be appreciated, because everyone is easily replaceable.

I’m not going to take any of this personally. In the end it’s a business, but if she lets me go I don’t think I’ll feel too sad about it. I told our grad student that I can handle the science and research aspect of things; what I had the most difficulty with was the people. I don’t know how they’ll respond to things where their response will affect me.

Still, I will feel things. And I should let myself feel the range of things. One notable thing is heart break; will I be heart broken over having been fired? Probably. I mean, I can’t imagine why not. I think it’s normal, maybe healthy even, to feel this way. But it’ll pass.

I’m not sure how to respond to the increasing stress and anxiety though. I was already struggling before and to think that it’s going to get even harder now? I suppose I can keep going with my workout routines, doubling if need be, to keep the stress from culminating into panic and depression.

I feel strong because I’m with my family. I also think she had considered letting me go awhile back so I’m more mentally prepared than not. When things went awry in my last job where my family was absent and I was coping for the first time, things got pretty bad. I’m still reeling from the repercussions.

When my boss turned on me this morning, it just makes me think of how people complain that millennials aren’t “loyal” to their company. I recall the recession and how people were laid off in droves, and how most incoming millennials couldn’t find a single job. Job security is low; morale is also low. Pay is low in terms of affordable living. It’s no wonder why there’s not much loyalty these days.

As bad as my current situation is in this job, nothing is as bad as my last one. I think I’ll be okay. 🙂

Plus all those little quotes about failure make me feel a bit better about my situation. Like, I’ll bounce back and be better than before.

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Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill.

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. Henry Ford.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. Winston Churchill

Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday. Wilma Rudolph

You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space. Johnny Cash

No one can make you successful; the will to success comes from within.’ I’ve made this my motto. I’ve internalized it to the point of understanding that the success of my actions and/or endeavors doesn’t depend on anyone else, and that includes a possible failure. Fabrizio Moreira