The Dream Knows The Truth

I dreamed of an apocalyptic future of guns and darkness and ugliness in people. I would run and run until I found a better place. But after awhile the better place was overtaken by ugly people and darkness and guns. I ran so much I was exhausted when I forced myself awake.

A dream, but how I view this world. Dark and ugly and full of killing machines. Ugly people spewing ugly words, ugly actions. I keep thinking I can run, move on, and things will get better.

But it is the same everywhere.

I am meant to be alone. It is when I am most happy.

I was not made to be around others, as I don’t fit in anywhere, never have.

I do not enjoy relationships. Too much pressure to do what I don’t want to do, to be perfect. To take care of others. I don’t like it. I’m tired of taking care of others. I’ve done it long enough.

I have never had anyone take care of me. No one has even tried. My parents gave us food and shelter (and abuse and emotional neglect). That is why I am happiest alone, no one to disappoint me, no one to take care of but me.

I stood on the beach and closed my eyes and soaked in the sound of the crashing waves and then the next morning was calm, serene, no waves.

How do I be alone but be with my best friend?

My dreams know the truth. I know the truth.

 

 

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