Hospital Admission

Well true to form in suprising me, the hospital called this morning (I hadn’t called them the other day to cancel, just so you know). And they have a place available today…so I have to be admitted this afternoon.

This is short notice, of course. I have been running around like a mad person trying to organise everything and pack, (I’ll be gone for 5 weeks at least), and yeah. I am feeling so conflicted about it all. I know I will try in the only way I know how and I also know that this won’t be enough for some people. But I do think I need to go – the other day and my entry proved that to me.

I think I’m finally starting to realise that this isn’t all about weight. i used to think I couldn’t go IP unless I was deathly anorexic, but now I know that I need to go just to try to stabilise and manage the ED behaviours (restricting, bingeing, panicking…etc). Also my weight is borderline problematic, so I guess I need to address that too (I’d rather learn how to eat than put on weight, but yeah).

I am feeling like I’m going to have a much more difficult time this time than last time. I seem more engrossed in the illness than last time – or maybe just at a different phase. I know eating food will be harder. I already want to refuse everything. But I’ll have naso (-gastric tube). Like I said I’ll do what I can.

Damien seems unperturbed. He said, well that’s short notice, and then proceeded to go back to sleep on the lounge. While I struggled to get everything done that needed doing.

Sofie returns from visiting her Mum on Wednesday. So she’s not here at the moment.

I haven’t told my parents yet. But just called the principal from school. He said he had no idea, which was strange because I thought his comments had been like he thought there was something going on.


I’m going to miss the dogs, and the sunlight /tress, the most. That’s what I hate about being IP. My beautiful beautiful dogs.

I hope I’m doing the right thing.

I will try to get escorted leave (I get independent leave if I behave, eat meals and gain 1 kg per week, but not sure if that will be happening for a while)….to go to a library every week or 2, to update.

I really don’t know how I feel about all of this.

I want to thank everyone for their support. You’ve really helped. Honestly..


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September 30, 2006

you’re doing the right thing, elizabeth. godspeed. i’ll keep you in my prayers and i’ll even mention you tomorrow (yom kippur). you’re in my thoughts

I’m sorry I haven’t noted you lately. I have, however, been keeping up with your entries. I agree with the above noter. Anyway, you’re in my prayers and thoughts. Hope things start to improve for you. *hugs*

September 30, 2006

good for you, hun. i hope it goes well and you learn lots. i know you’ll do the best you can and that’s all anyone can ask of you. take care.

October 1, 2006

Don’t worry about what other people think of any of this. You’re doing this for yourself. So go in and do the best you can do and try to get as much out of it as you can at this point in time. Try to have an open mind. Good luck!!

October 1, 2006

i’m so proud of you. your weight is more than “borderline problematic” hon. please let them help you. this is an amazing and inspiring step. keep us updated if you’re able. xoxoxo *~

October 1, 2006

this is probably too late but please take care and cooperate, it will be easier that way. 🙂 i think you are doing the right thing and i hope that they make you really well rather than just putting weight on you. love rachel xx