I am trying so hard not to become that version of me that become’s obsessed in fear. Tyler is out doing whatever, with whomever. He has that right, I am now his ex which sounds weird to say. Neither of us have changed our facebook statuses, account access or location accesses and we both can. I don’t want him to die. I want to know where he is if something bad happens. I also don’t want to waste this time desperately hoping he is okay. I don’t want to do this again. I love tyler, unlike a love I’ve had before. I planned on marrying this man. It’s not as simple as a goodbye. He will always have a part of me. He will always be the first person I felt safe with and loved. I never want to love someone again knowing this is what happens. I cannot be around if he dies, I can’t watch our kids go through the pain. Tyler is so beautiful and dangerous all in one. I hate him for that. I hate that I believe his act. I just wish he’d come home. It always feels like it’d be worth more for me to leave. Goodnight everyone.