Letting go of…
Everything that happend this year i just constantly felt empty and angry some days when i just wanted to feel something i would hurt myself because if i wasn’t hurting myself i was hurting everyone around me.
And if i wasn’t feeling angry i was feeling so sad most days i would cry myself to sleep obviously i never told anyone about this i didn’t want to worry anyone i already caused so much trouble. Sometimes i imagine everyone’s life without me and how much easier their life’s would be.
And in december i finally found someone that made me feel special and i could talk to him but I screwed that up and i just felt so lost I didn’t know what to do anymore in the beginning i was okay but after a month or so i just constantly felt so sad and so angry at myself for pushing him away when i needed him the most i think he was the best thing that ever happend to me. In February i had my surgery i still have nightmares about how i woke up by myself crying and screaming but no one heard me the button to call the nurse was to high up and the button for painkillers was just out of reach i just lied there for 15min crying and waiting for someone to find me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. The nights after the surgery were the worst i was in so much pain crying and telling at my mom to make it stop and when she asked me make what stop and i anwsered everyting. I went through so much this year and if i could go back i think i would do everything differently.
So im letting go of all the pain, suffering, anger and sadness i felt in the last year.