That gut feeling

“That didn’t happen…..and if it did it wasn’t that bad…..and if it was bad, it’s your fault”. I will never accept someone invalidating my experiences or put up with someone denying or playing down the way they treated me again. Everyone has their own boundaries and experiences things differently. I let things slide and let people cross my boundaries way too much in my life. Until very recently I let people walk all over me and took the blame for things that I didn’t do. I accepted being treated poorly because I was brainwashed to think I deserved it. I downplayed stuff myself…..even though I was having a physical reaction to things that were being done or said to me. If something doesn’t seem right or feel right, follow your gut feeling, because it probably isn’t right. I know I put myself in bad situations and bad relationships because I ignored my gut or didn’t listen to others when they were giving me flat out evidence of who a person really was deep down. Not anymore. I will not let myself be used anymore. I’m not perfect, but I know I don’t deserve to be used or abused. I especially let things slide during intimacy with partners when I wasn’t comfortable with certain things. I guess  saying “that hurts” or seeming obviously uncomfortable or upset isn’t enough for someone to get the picture. A lot of the partners I’ve had just liked to please themselves wether or not I liked what they were doing, which is sick and sad. That’s another reason why I’m taking a lot of time to be single. To make sure I have strict boundaries and enough self love to keep them in place. My next relationship, wether it lasts or doesn’t, will not leave me completely broken again. Also, no more dating apps for me. I will be meeting people in person from now on. Preferably through friends that know the true backstory of whoever it is. I’ve had way too many people completely lie about their past. Lies that I uncovered after it was too late….

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