over

So, it happened. Last night, after several hours of moving things, cleaning things, and picking at each other, we sat together on the back porch of my house listening to my new neighbor sing along with his radio and broke up. I knew the conversation was going to happen, I did, but I honestly didn’t realize it was going to happen then until it was happening. One minute we were happy, enjoying sitting down for the first time in hours, the cool night air, and the next I am crying so hard I can’t breathe, my sinuses filled with snot. 

It was the best kind of break up I suppose you could hope for, with both of us venting our feelings of frustration and sadness, and mutually acknowledging the inevitable. It wasn’t mean or spiteful, just sad and surreal. 

There is a lot more to do. In the next 45 minutes, I have to pack up my stuff and head back to my old house to finish the cleaning effort with him. We’re going to drop off and donate a bunch of furniture and then make one final push to get all the things out of my old apartment, come back to my new place to unload, and then he will leave. 

This is just one of many things that are shifting for me right now. I feel like I am on the brink, have been for awhile. I am getting a lot of pressure from my new roommate to get things unpacked and out of sight. I did a big push with Eric this morning to move all the boxes out of sight for now. She confronted me this morning to say she wanted everything put away so she could have her house back. I said OK and of course immediately went to my room with the sleeping boy still in bed and cried, cried, cried. 

And cleaning my old apartment is a huge undertaking. I’ve been dreading it since I first moved in, knowing how incredibly anal my landlord is when it comes to cleaning. I am cleaning this house more thoroughly than I’ve ever cleaned anything in my life, and I’m afraid it won’t be enough. 

On top of all that, I found out last week that I’m being moved to a new editor at work. It’s not the worst thing in the world, I guess. I really like the person who will be my new editor/boss even though I’ve never really worked with her very closely. But it is just scary since I’ve worked for my current editor since I started reporting at my job six years ago. He is very trusting and hands off, and I am worried that that will change dramatically. But time will tell. 

Regardless, they are sending me back to DC for ten days in just a couple of weeks to "get acquainted" and "complete the transition." 

But like Alex said, maybe it is best to break up when you’re really busy. When there’s so much going on that you really don’t have time to sit down and process too hard. 

You know, I really thought that I would be tempted to get back together with him. That any break up that happened might only be temporary. And yeah, it’s only been a few hours, but I can’t really imagine us trying to get back together. I think we both know. We both know. It’s over. We love each other, but it’s over.