Confession/confusion

So idk if I’m using this OD as a diary or more like reddit. I don’t know. Anyways, I’ve been with my husband 14 years, married for almost 8. We have what I would say is a strange relationship. It’s both our second marriage. I was married early at 20,the first time. Left him at 26, he was very abusive. We had 3 kids together. My husband has 2 kids,one from 1st marriage one from a relationship before that. We have none together. My husband and I have only had sex 6 times since May. I’m 40 btw, he’s 46. We’ve only “made out” once in over a year. And it was during sex in May. We haven’t even kissed the other 5 times we did it. He never, ever tries to have sex with me. So of course it makes me feel like total shit. He’s not cheating. I know where he is all the time. He never goes out outside of work. At least physically he’s not. Emotionally,online or through texting who knows? Years ago in 2010 I did catch him talking to multiple women. Like even getting titty pics from one. And not at once, this stretched out over a year. And yes I still married him.  I used to search his phone and computer that’s how I found out. I don’t anymore. I don’t care anymore. I have zero relationship with his family. Except for his children. I haven’t seen his brothers in over 5 yrs. None of them ever embraced me or took me into their family. I blame it on the fact they all love his ex wife and she was always spending time with them after the divorce. Years ago when we’d see them for thanksgiving or Christmas, she’d be there. I hated it! My husband saw no problem with it. Pissed me off like no ones business! Mind u she’s remarried lives many states away and has 3 more children.  Idk my husband and I are more like just friends. That’s it. We get along. He’s not a bad guy. I’m not leaving him because I can’t afford our home on my own. I mean seriously am I justified in thinking my husband isn’t attracted to me one bit? I even asked him if he was gay the other day. Idk that’s why I say I’m just existing on earth. That’s how I feel. Ugh I just rambled but I have no one to talk to. I’ll continue more of this next time