Your Side of the Bed

Loote

7:02 am

I was good and didn’t hit snooze this morning. I still don’t know why I have this obsession with waking up way earlier than I have to. If I’m not up between 4:30 and 5:30 I feel frazzled like I’m going to be late for work. The earliest I start work is 8 am so why do I get up at 4:30? smh I make no sense.

I’ve been rapid cycling. Monday was bad. I was in a pretty dark place. I need to learn how not to be triggered so easily, but it’s so hard not to feel like a failure when certain things happen. If I happened to be going to a therapist, they would say “it’s their problem, not yours” or, they would agree with all the people who think I’m going to fail. In past experiences it’s been the latter.

Plus, I didn’t work Monday. At least when I’m working I’m not thinking about anything but work.

Yesterday I had abundant energy. Work went well, I was in a good mood most of the day. I started to feel easily annoyed after supper. I think I was just tired. Still, I get mad at myself when I get like that. I get impatient with the poor dogs. ::sigh::

This morning? I have a pretty bad headache right now. Can’t tell if it’s left over from the one I had last night, sinuses, or what. Took my allergy meds. I hope it does the trick, but, I also have “stress neck” now. So the frontal headache has the base of skull headache for company. I took a muscle relaxer for my neck. It usually doesn’t make me tired, but I already am tired. I’m sure once I start moving around I’ll feel better.

I’m going to go grab more coffee. I’ll be back after work.

1:49 pm

Felt like I was moving in slow motion today. What should have taken me 3 hours took 4.5. Part of the problem was that the owner was home and we kept talking. They’re usually gone and I just zip through everything. Plus I just feel meh about everything.

and pissed off at the moment.

Sorry for the blurry picture of the long boi puppers. I had to be fast while they were actually still. lol the puppers probably didn’t help with how fast I got crap done. I mean, c’mon. Puppers! How can you not stop everything you are doing and play with them?

I’m probably going to make a little extra money with today’s client next week. She wants the inside of the fridge cleaned… dammit! I forgot to be nosy to see how bad it is! Anyhoo. She wants that done, and her carpet shampooed along with all the usual stuff. Oh and to run the self clean on the oven while I’m there. I need to figure what to charge. They don’t have much on their balance now, so I want to make sure that they pay what will be over it. Make sure they have a heads up.

Still mad at myself for not looking in the fridge. Hell. it took me two hours to clean that one fridge on a move out job. Yes, it was that bad.

I was going to do another vlog about ghosts and stupid stuff, but the tablet is gone so that is out.

Yeah, I don’t know either.

I need more coffee. I’ll be back later.

8:24 pm

I’m just going to paste my fb status. ::sigh::

“The latest screw up in Adventures with Diane…

soooo. Yeah. I had to bake the crust for the cheesecake thing I’m making before I put the filling on it. So what did I do? I turned the oven off after I took the crust out. Put the filling on the crust backwards even though I read the directions a thousand times, and stuck it in the oven. The oven I turned off. The timer went off, I open the oven door to a raw cheesecake. ::sigh:: I swear I have dementia. I’ve been doing things like this an awful lot lately.”

And yes, I am worried about it. I’m losing words, not remembering the most basic answers of “who was that guy who played…” Stuff I should know. I mean really, I should be able to answer these questions with no problem. Even medical questions! In fact, yesterday on the way home I stopped at the pharmacy because I was in town. I asked if they had anything ready for me, and that I didn’t remember if I called them to order the Latuda or not. I guess I did, because I got it. And I guess I called for a refill on my muscle relaxer that had none left because I got that, too.

Yeah, I know. I’ve got stuff on my mind. But it shouldn’t be interfering this bad, should it?

No, I haven’t talked to the dr about it yet. Frankly, I’m afraid to. I’m sure it’s just due to stress, fibro, ADD all rolled together, but what if it isn’t? I don’t know if I want to know. lol and I’ve seen the test they give people when there is a memory loss issue. I watched one of the residents take it when I was the manager at Vic Manor. I couldn’t pass the test then! If they gave it to me now? omg my results would be horrible. And scary.

I better check on that cake.

See ya.