However hard I am trying to “appreciate” my life I realize I have some serious issues.
I find it difficult to be alone.
I find it difficult to make decisions.
However I love being able to do what I want when I want. I guess I just am not confident enough. I would like to ask someone for advice but don’t know who and not sure I agree with their advice.
For example, I went to a birthday party. My friend turned 80!!!!!!!!!! I didn’t know what to give him so so far I gave nothing and I just don’t feel like bothering. This is a very old problem for me. I JUST CAN’T BE BOTHERED. I guess before my husband would pick up the slack. I am going to another birthday party on Saturday night. What do I give??????????????????????? The party is for my DIL”S brother. I wish I didn’t have to go…………………………..everyone there will be young except for my DIL’s mother. I feel like a third wheel.
Keeping my finances in order is a struggle. Maybe I should get someone else to do it. I do have an accountant so I just need someone to pay my bills and let me know if I am spending too much every month.
I am trying to paint a picture for my daughter’s office. So far it is terrible so I will have to paint over it.
Last night I wasn’t sure if I took my medication or not so I called the 800 number. The nurse told me I had taken it but I wasn’t convinced so got up early to take my morning pills. Usually I take my pills and go straight to bed. Last night I decided to work on my dollhouse. That’s why I wasn’t sure about the pills.
Many people admire me and think I am a very strong woman. In many ways I am. I just get these times when I feel so insecure and wish I had someone looking after me.
On Monday I am going to Toronto. I was planning to stay for at least a week but my cousin told me she isn’t able to go away with me. That’s why I always go alone. It’s not her fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I’ll just stay a few days. I’m going to get my car. It’s finally repaired.